Even Now
by recchinon
Summary: Summary: Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. AU
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

He looked at me, just like how he had been looking at me lately. He didn't know it of course, but the way he looked at me, it hurt me a lot. He did not have to say anything, just with that look, it told me everything. I swallowed and forced a smile, he didn't smile back at me. I knew where our conversation would lead to, I just pretended that I didn't know. Well, I really didn't want to know.

I bit my lower lip, harder than usual. I realized that I hurt my own lip when I tasted the tangy flavor of my own blood. I didn't care. My hands clenched on the skirt I wore. We sat face to face and yet not talked about anything. His black coffee and my milk tea had been frozen since long time ago. I wondered how long we had been sitting here. I could hear the sound of the crowd around us, it was like we were the only ones who sat still without saying anything. I really didn't like it.

I took a deep breath, trying to ease the pain in my chest. I couldn't remember the last time we spent some time in a terrace cafe like this. Lately he'd been busy, and I knew the reason why. I shivered a little when the autumn breeze blew through my body. I had a scarf around my neck but it didn't help much. He narrowed his eyes to see me, I could see it, he was worried.

"Are you okay?"

Slowly I nodded my head and smiled, I could feel something in my throat that made it hard to speak, "Don't worry…"

"I think we better get going now, it's getting cold," he murmured as he stood up. His eyes didn't look at mine as he did so.

I sighed as he walked around the table to reach me. He helped me to readjust my scarf and he took my hand to help me stand up. Again, he acted like this. I didn't know what to do anymore. Right after he left a tip on the table he took me by the hand to leave. He always treated me like this—like fragile Chinese porcelain that would break if he didn't treat it carefully. He was always like this.

He walked beside me and said nothing. I stole a glance at him. He had changed a lot. I'd known him for twelve years, God that was a long time. I knew what he was thinking, I knew he was struggling against his own thoughts and feeling to tell me what had been on his mind until now. I sighed secretly thinking he was too kind for his own good. This man would never have heart to break me.

He didn't know but he'd already broken me.

* * *

_"I love you…." _

* * *

I had known since last week, when I accidentally overheard him confessed, that this day would come —the day where he would be honest to his own feeling. It hurt to think about it, so I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about anything that would only break my heart worse.

* * *

_"But I… I can't, I'm sorry…"_

_"I understand…"_

* * *

The conversation had happened last week but I just couldn't forget it. I wasn't supposed to hear that, but I did. I can't forget it—the way she looked at him, how he clenched his fist as she gave him her answer, and the emptiness I felt as they looked at each other. I couldn't keep pretending anymore.

I took a deep breath. I had to face this because sooner or later I know this would happen. If I could choose, I actually wanted it to happen fast. Like ripping off a bandage—you do it quickly so it would hurt less.

We walked through a park. The autumn breeze shook the trees gently and made the leaves fall to the ground. It was October already, I couldn't believe it. Time flew too fast. We walked slowly. He always tried following my small foot step, he might not realize it, but I knew he walked slower whenever he was with me. I smiled sadly, twelve years was a long time.

I tilted my head to look at him. He was scowling, but that didn't make him look bad. He was as handsome as usual. Not the kind of pretty boy like those idol boys. His kind of handsome was rather rough—manly and strong—but somehow beautiful. He was a kind of man you could depend on. I had depended on him until today, maybe too much.

He clenched his teeth, I could see the muscle in his throat bob up and down just like he wanted to say something but couldn't. I pretended not to notice and said nothing.

I moved closer to him and hugged his arm. He looked at me questioningly but I said nothing, just sighed and rested my head on his arm. Just one more time, I wanted to be spoiled, I knew after what would happen today, he would hate me.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I knew he worried about me. Usually I never acted this way. His scowl went deeper, I knew he was really worried but I just couldn't tell him the truth.

I didn't look at him. I hugged his arm tightly as if I didn't want to let go. I really did not want to let go. The warmth of his body made me feet somehow relax, but I knew better—after today—it wouldn't be the same again.

"Nothing," I said, "It's just cold."

I couldn't see the look on his face but I knew he was scowling, "Are you okay?" he asked me, he stopped as he asked. He looked at me with deep scowl of worry on his handsome face, "Do you feel dizzy?" he put his palm on my forehead to check my temperature. He winced when he felt the heat, "You have a slight fever…"

I shook my head, "It is just because the weather is too cold." I pulled back from him, his touch was too much torture for me, _Don't be nice to me when you don't mean it. _I bit my lower lip, again. I knew today I had acted strange and so did he.

He lowered his head and looked at me, almost hovering over me, "Today's kinda cold," he murmured taking off the leather jacket he wore, "You've taken your medicine for today, right?" he talked softly to me. He put the jacket on me, ignoring my pout as he did so. He sighed, "You're so pale."

I just laughed weakly, "Don't worry, I am okay! The little blue men came with green men and disturbed my sleep last night… That's why I am pale." When he kept looking at me with that same expression I just sighed and smiled, "Why don't we just go home? I'll be okay…"

"Yeah you're right…." His voice was somehow faltered and weak, I knew there was something he had to tell me and I had a feeling that I knew what it was.

He didn't say anything and stayed silent while scowling. I waited for him to say it. Sooner or later, he had to say it. I wanted to hear it now. I didn't want to wait, because I knew it would just be same. Finally, he would hate me.

* * *

_"I'll tell her…"_

_"It'll hurt her…"_

_"….I know."_

* * *

I looked at the tall young man. I had known him for such a long time, I'd spent more than half of my life with him. But the person who stood in front of me today, I didn't know him anymore. I wondered when he'd gotten so tall? When did he get all of those muscles? Since when had he got those scratches on his chin, since when had he shaven? The man who stood here, was no longer the seven years old boy I knew twelve years ago. The person who stood here, was a twenty year old young man with strong arms and piercing eyes.

The man who stood here was no longer the boy who had loved me once.

He opened his mouth and started to say something.

"I…"

* * *

_"…don't love her"_

* * *

"Have someone else on my mind…"

I felt like everything around me blurred and I felt dizzy, my legs felt like jelly but I tried to stand still. I did not want to ruin my plan—a plan that I'd been preparing for this day.

"We can't be together anymore…" he said almost whispering.

I looked at his brown eyes. He looked at me. I knew all of this would happen but I was just too ignorant to accept the truth. No, even if I had to go to the hell for this, I wouldn't stop. I didn't want to lose him, ever.

"No…" I tried to be calm.

He narrowed his eyes to look at me, "…Orihime?" he called my name.

"If I had to lose you, I'd be better off dead, Ichigo…"

-prologue: end-


	2. Chapter 1 : Friends

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**Thanks for my BETA: LunarStar77**

**and reviewers:**

.cookies18

.LunarStar77

.bakanootoko

.The Puppeteer

.Shigeru

.Maniz

..

..

**Chapter 1 ----Orihime----**

**"Friends"**

It was the first week of summer. The sky today was so blue with only a few clouds hanging on it. I never really hated summer, it was just because this year's summer was different. This summer everything felt wrong. Actually nothing had changed this summer, not much—but still some things changed.

I took a deep breath, lately I often had felt like it was too hard to breath, and that wasn't because of my health condition. It wasn't physical. Besides, I just felt this way when I was with my best friends.

It was after classes, when me and my friends sat down on the grass, in a park, behind the faculty building. We had been there for almost two hours talking about our plans for this year's summer vacation. Every year we would always spent our summer vacations together. It had been our annual activity since we were in grade six.

I rested my back on the tree trunk,the one that protect us from the cruel summer sun. As usual in summer, it was almost six but the sun didn't tire yet, it still tried to kill us with its heat.

I watched my two friends debating with passion about our destination for this years vacation. Both of them were already so excited to go somewhere for vacation. I just smiled bitterly; honestly I didn't really want to go. I couldn't tell them of course, I did not want to ruin everything they'd been planning.

"I've told you…. We're go to the beach!" said the raven haired girl. She had a small body, smaller than me, but somehow she could speak louder than any ordinary girl. Not to mention that she was strong—the second strongest girl in the university. She was really pretty, it's just she could be really violent sometime. "Summer means beach!"

The tall guy who sat in front of her crossed his arms. He shook his head violently, "Nope. Last year we went to the beach. This year we'll go to the mountain. I wanna go to the mountain!" the red haired man was usually not the type who would debate her, but this time he looked so determined.

"Renji… You suck!"

"W-What?" he protested, "Oi, Rukia, that's not the way for a lady speak, wait 'til your brother hear that!"

"I don't care," Rukia said hardheadedly, "We're still going to the beach!"

"No way.. this year we're going to the mountain!" Renji did not want to lose this fight, "We'll go to onsen!"

Both of my friends continued their debating. No one seemed ready to give up. I just looked at them and smiled. I liked moments like this, where I didn't have to talk and I could focus my mind on one thing.

"Orihime-chan… What do you think?" asked Renji suddenly catching me off guard, "Which one? The mountain or the beach?"

I looked at them both, they were looking at me with a big pleading eyes. They were too cute, I chuckled. Actually they looked so good together, but I knew better.

Honestly I didn't really care about this year's summer vacation. If I could, I would choose to spend my vacation locked up in my room. But I didn't say it, I just smiled, "I don't mind wherever we'll go is fine…"

Both of them let out a heavy sigh.

"I knew it, we shouldn't have asked Orihime-chan…" Renji huff-ed and threw his back onto the grass, using his own hands as the pillow. He yawned and closed his eyes, "I really want to go to onsen this year!"

Rukia rolled her eyes, "We had fun last year didn't we? We could go again this year! That's why we should go to the beach!"

"That's the problem," Renji opened his eyes and frowned, "We were there last year, this year we have to go to another place!"

"Orihime, you didn't help…" Rukia looked at me, "You didn't vote for either the beach or the mountain…"

Renji laughed lazily, "So, the only way now is asking for Ichigo's opinion…" Renji realized something and sat up, he looked at me, "By the way where is Ichigo? I haven't seen him all day…"

I shook my head, "I have no idea," I said honestly "I think he might have some sport club activity?"

"Ichigo has a meeting now…" Rukia informed us, "Our Kendo team could enter a national tournament this November…"

Renji nodded understandingly, Ichigo was the captain of the male kendo team, "And so what are you doing here?" he narrowed his eyes, looking at the raven haired girl, "I thought you were the girls team captain, don't tell me they finally fired you?"

Rukia cracked her knuckles, "They changed the rules, my weight isn't enough to enter it…" she snorted, "I have to gain few more kilograms to participate next year."

I lowered my gaze, deep inside somehow I felt sad. Why did she know about him more than me? I was his girlfriend, wasn't I? I knew I was being childishly jealous over my own best friend, but I had a reason to be jealous.

Rukia and me were just too different. I would never be able to be like her.

"By the way," Rukia looked at me with her pretty purple orbs teasingly, "Last Sunday was your fifth anniversary with him, wasn't it?" she poked my waist and made me smiled, "What did you do?"

I shook my head "Nothing."

"Oh c'mon…" Rukia smirked to tease me, "You know you can tell us…"

I laughed, "Really, nothing happened…" I added with some blush covered my cheeks, "Well, he came to my house and we spent some time together, just that…"

"Eeeeh, did you guys finally…"

"Rukia!" Renji hissed, me and Rukia looked at the tattooed man. His face was redder than me. Actually it matched his red hair, "You shouldn't ask about things like that!"

I looked at Renji questioningly, "What's wrong Renji-kun, it's not like you…" Pervert thing had never been a big fuss for him usually.

He rubbed the back of his head, "The image of Ichigo having… errr… doing such a thing is way too sickening for me…"

Rukia snorted, "Ignore this idiot." She looked at me once again and smirked, "So?"

"I think you should get a boyfriend, Rukia…" teased Renji, "You get way too interested with other people's love life? What's wrong with your latest boyfriend? Break up? Again?"

"Shut up!" this time it was her face that turned red, "You don't have a girlfriend either, do you?!"

"But I'm a man!" Renji defended his pride.

"I don't see the difference!" Rukia rolled her eyes.

I laughed when I saw both of the ready to attack each other. They'd been like that since the first time I saw them. I knew for other people they looked like cat and dog but for me, I think that was just a way for them to interact with each other. I knew Renji never meant any insult he said to Rukia.

I watched the fight with a little amusement. Their debates had always been funny. For a moment any jealousy I felt before melted and somehow I felt peace.

I was about to rest my back to the tree trunk when someone walked toward us, "Oi, I'm sorry I'm late."

"Ichigo!"

I turned around to see a young man with orange hair and brown eyes walking towards us with smirk. He was still wearing his hakama and still sweaty. I sighed, whenever I saw him, he would always look too good. He looked at me and his expression changed a bit. His smirk was gone when he saw me, but when he saw my expression he smiled and walked towards me.

I swallowed. I hated this situation.

He got closer and tried to give me a kiss on my forehead, I tried to get away but finally I let him do it. I forced a smile when he pulled away from me, I could hear Renji and Rukia saying something to tease us. Oh, if only they knew…

"So," Ichigo sat between Rukia and me, "How about the plan?"

"I thought you had to practice? And a meeting too?" Rukia raised her eyebrows questioningly.

Ichigo smirked, "Yeah, and I ran away…" he sat on the grass between me and Rukia, "I have to go back later but, hey, have you decided where will be going?"

"Renji said he wanted to go to the mountain," Rukia pointed at Renji with a boring face.

Renji nodded with his arms folded on his chest and he pointed at Rukia using his chin, "And that one wants us to go to the beach."

Ichigo rolled his eyes as the two started to argue again. I rested my back, looked at Ichigo's face as I did so. He was scowling but there was a faint smile on his lips as he watched Rukia and Renji debated each other. How I loved his expression. But that expression wasn't for me. He would never use that expression to look at me. He would look at me with a sad look, a worried look, I hated so much.

"And Orihime didn't help matters at all…" Rukia told Ichigo, I forced my self to laugh, I wished I could vanish right now, "…she didn't want to choose!"

Ichigo laughed and patted my head softly, I knew that laugh wasn't for me, "If that's the case, it'll be difficult for me to decide as well…"

"Oh, c'mon…" Rukia groaned, "Last year we had fun at the beach right?" then she looked at me, "You enjoyed watching the fireworks on the beach last year didn't you Hime?"

Yes, but that was because I hadn't known Ichigo's true feelings back then .

"But the mountain is cooler!" Renji insisted, "And there's an Onsen, you know, an Onsen!"

"But you could find look at girl's wearing bikini's on the beach!" Rukia added slyly "Bikini!"

Ichigo smirked, he looked at me, "Sounds fun. Right Hime?"

"Right! You'll enjoy it, Hime!" Rukia clenched her fist and punched the air excitedly, "Then it's been decided! We're going to the beach!"

Ichigo smiled.

Suddenly I felt jealous. I did not know why but seeing Ichigo's smile as he looked at Rukia, I felt upset.

"Oi, Orihime, are you okay?" Renji asked.

I startled and quickly shook my head, a little too quickly that it made me dizzy. I smiled, I knew that there was no use to lie to Renji, he might look stupid but he wasn't blind. I knew I looked pale right now, "I'm just a little bit dizzy…"

I wanted to throw up.

"Are you okay?" Ichigo asked, he moved toward me to check my body temperature by putting his palm on my forehead.

Then I saw it.

The way she looked at us. The way she looked at Ichigo as he approached me. I knew that kind of look. It was just like she was hurt. As Ichigo knelt in front of me, I knew she was still looking at us. I wasn't sure how should I feel about all of this. Maybe I should be happy for her being hurt, but I couldn't. She was my friend, and her expression somehow hurt me too.

Ah, all of this just made me dizzier.

"You've taken the medicines, right?" Ichigo was scowling as he checked on my temperature.

"I'm fine." I told him.

I hated the way Rukia and Renji looked at me. I hated to see the concern all over their face. I knew very well that they all worried about me, and I hated that. I hated the fact that it was me, who would always ruin the mood.

Rukia looked at me.

The way she looked at me… I knew she had looked at me with that kind of expression lately. Did she know what I had been thinking?

"I want to go to the mountain,"

"Eh?"

The other three looked at me with a surprised look on their face.

"I want to go to the mountain, I don't want to go to the beach." I said selfishly, I knew that I was acting like a spoilt brat but I didn't care.

"S.. Sure…" Rukia was a little taken aback by my sudden decision, "Why didn't you tell us at the beginning?" She forced a cheerful laugh, "Of course, Let's go to the mountain…"

Ichigo looked at Rukia before then again scowling and looked at me, "Are you sure?"

I nodded slowly my head so heavy.

Ichigo sighed, "Fine, I understand…" I knew deep inside he was angry, I had been so selfish, "First thing first, I'm taking you home."

"Eh, I thought you still had the meeting?" Rukia asked.

I shook my head, "I can go home by my self…" I wasn't sure that I could actually, It was just tha didn't want to go home with him.

"Don't worry," Renji patted Ichigo's shoulder, "Let me take Orihime-chan home with my motorbike, how does that sound?"

For a while, Ichigo looked unsure. It seemed like he didn't like the idea of me riding a motorbike. But he had no other option, he knew I just didn't want to go home with him. Finally, still scowling, he nodded "Please be careful…"

Renji nodded to assure him that he'd be careful, "Of course."

Ichigo looked at me once again with that kind of look. I couldn't understand why he had to look at me like that. I had no idea what he thought of me, but I knew I had hurt him a lot lately. I knew that I had been so selfish lately. Deep inside, I knew that I shouldn't be acting like such a spoiled child in front of my friends, but I did not know how else I should act. I wasn't the same Orihime. I was not the selfless Orihime they once knew. I was an annoying selfish little girl right now.

Even I hated myself.

"Wear this," Renji handed a blue helmet to me, it was Rukia's.

"Thank you Renji-kun," I smiled.

"Hold on tight 'kay!"

"Ok!"

It had been a year, almost. I did not know whether Renji knew about what had happened or not. I had done my best to pretend like nothing was wrong, but in the end I couldn't act normally in front of them. Everything had been settled but I knew that this wasn't the end of it. There were things that couldn't be done just by pretending it had never happened.

Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other.

It hurt.

I had known Ichigo since I was a little kid. Ever since I could remember it, I had been so in love with him. He had been my first love and my first boyfriend as well. We had been so close, people around me often teased us, and they told us that we looked so good together. Everything had just happened naturally, even when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I thought it was just about time. I wondered swhen everything started going so wrong…

Autumn last year, I wanted to surprise Ichigo by picking him up after his Kendo practice. I came to the sport center right after the practice hours ended. The building had been dark and I didn't see anyone there but I knew Ichigo was there.

I had been right. There he was, but he wasn't the only one there. I smiled when I saw that the one with him was Rukia. I was about to surprise them when I heard their conversation.

_-"I love you…."_

_I stood there without any sound._

_I couldn't make any sound._

_Ichigo's voice was trembling. Those were the same words he had told me few years ago. But this time, it sounded almost hopeless. The Ichigo I'd known was never hopeless, The Ichigo I'd known was confident and strong._

_This wasn't the Ichigo I knew._

_I looked at them from behind the door._

_Rukia didn't say anything. She stayed still and looked at Ichigo without saying a single word. This wasn't the Rukia I knew The Rukia I'd known would not ever stand shakingly like that. The Rukia I'd known was a really strong girl, she wouldn't look so weak and sad like this._

_The Rukia I've known would not stand there, with my boyfriend standing in front of her confessing._

_All of this seemed too unreal._

_"I can't… I'm sorry…"_

_There was a pause._

_"I understand…"_

_I couldn't look at his face clearly but I could imagine it. I didn't know what I was feeling right now, what was the name of the feeling I felt at the moment. It was hurt. I could not even cry, because all of this seemed to fake to me. I refused to believe it. Ichigo couldn't stop loving me like that._

_"I'll tell her…"_

_"It'll hurt her…"_

_"….I know."_

_I couldn't say anything. Ichigo would say it to me. He would tell me that he did not want to be with me anymore. No. I did not want that. I did not want to lose Ichigo. I had been with him for years and had grown accustomed with him beside me. I did not want to share him with anyvbody, let alone let him go. I loved him too much for that._

_"I don't love her…"_

Those words had woken me up. I realized it. What I thought was love, until that day, was not love. What had been showed by Ichigo to me was not love. That was just some pity and responsibility. He didn't love me. The one he loved was another girl, my best friend. But I still loved him. I wouldn't just let him go like that. I would die without him. I preferred to die than to live without him.

I had been dead serious when I said that.

_"If I had to lose you, I'd be better off dead, Ichigo…"_

_"Don't say something like that," he said, he raised his voice sounding desperate, "We could always be friend! I will be with you, I'll protect you, as a friend!"_

_I shook my head, "I don't want it, I don't want to be your friend!"_

_"Hime…"_

_"You promised me, Ichigo. You promised me, to always protect me…"_

_He lowered his head, "I'm so sorry…"_

_"I can't...Ichigo… If you leave me, I'll die!" ._

I had forgotten about my pride that day, and I didn't care. I loved him far too much to think about anything but him. I didn't care that to make him stay with me would only make him hate me.

I pleaded him. I blackmailed him. I forced him. I had done everything to make him stayed with me. And he stayed. His body stayed with me, but I knew his heart did not belong to me.

Everytime I looked at him with Rukia, it would hurt me a lot. I could see it, the way they looked each other… I knew for sure, Rukia loved Ichigo too. She just did not want to take him away from me. And Ichigo had never stopped loving her, either. Even thought he was with me, but the only one in his mind and heart was Rukia. No matter how long I waited, he would never looked at me, and that hurt me.

Everything was too complicated because we were all friends.

"Hime-chan, are you okay?"

I never realized that we had stopped in front of my house, I was just too deep in my thought that I didn't realize it. Renji helped me hop off the motorbike.

"Ah, sorry, I was just daydreaming…"

Renji narrowed his eyes, "Why are you crying?"

"Eh?" when I touched my cheek I felt that it was wet. I hadn't relized that I was crying. When had I...?

"You sure you're okay?" Renji looked so worry about me. He stood in front of me and eyed me with his worried gaze.

"It's because of the fever," I lied, "I think my brain's too hot now…"

"Do you want me to take you to hospital?"

I shook my head quickly, "No!" I smiled to assure him that I was okay, "I'm fine…"

"How about if I call Ichigo?"

Once again I shook my head, "Don't. Renji-kun, I'll be okay…"

After all right now, Ichigo must be with her…

------------------chapter 1—orihime— "friends" : end-------------------

**-author's note-**

**thanks for reading this. I hope the story would not confuse you (I owe my BETA for helping me clear some things up). Anyway, leave review if you have time. If no, well there's always another time ^^ thank you.**

**R.**


	3. Chapter 2 : Feelings

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**Thanks for my BETA: LunarStar77**

**and reviewers:**

cupcakesrock

Miwa03

mechamecahandredbeanpaste

bakanootoko

shigeru

huhuhu

XD

..

..

**Chapter 2 —Rukia— **

**"Feelings"**

I looked at both of my friends who walked away from where I was standing. I frowned when I looked at the auburn haired girl's back. I worried about Orihime's condition. Lately she looked a bit weaker, especially today, she looked pale and didn't talk much. She was'ot type of girl who talked a lot but today she was exceptionally quiet.

I understood, she didn't want to make us worry about her, but I still couldn't help but feel worry. After all she was my best friend.

I took a deep breath; at least, Renji took her home. I knew I could count on him. Thinking about it made me a little bit relieved, Renji would take her home safely. Slowly I averted my gaze to another orange headed who stood next to me.

He was scowling, looked at his girlfriend and his best friend walk away. I knew he felt worried, as much as me. Maybe more than what I felt. After all, Orihime was his girlfriend.

He was a little bit startled when I patted his back hard, he looked at me and I just smirked at his scowling face, "Hey, don't worry… Renji will drive safely…"

The tall strawberry chuckled, I grinned back at him. It was weird, just by seeing his face I could feel my heart beat faster.

_Control yourself, Kuchiki Rukia! He's your best friend's boyfriend! _I slapped my face mentally, very hard.

I bent down to pick my bag on the grass. I patted it few times to get rid of the dried grass which stuck on to it. I was ready to get home when Ichigo followed my every move with his eyes.

"You're going home?"

I nodded once before took a look at my watch. The sun was still up there but it was already seven. I frowned, my brother would not want me to be late for dinner, "Well," I looked at his face, "You still have a meeting don't you?"

"I'll skip it."

"Huh?" I raised an eyebrow.

He might be a punk but Ichigo almost never skipped any club activity before.

Ichigo smirked, he lifted his shoulders, "Even though I'm the club captain but the meeting is led by a senior, I don't really have to attend it."

I laughed, "Irresponsible captain."

Ichigo didn't reply to me, he just sighed, "I gotta change first. Wait for me, I'll take you home."

"Huh?"

He rolled his eyes, "You heard me." He rubbed the back of his orange hair, "I'll take you home. Lately there' have been some cases where they attacked young woman, right?" then he added fast, like he could read what was up in my mind, "I know you could defend yourself, but even your brother wouldn't let you walk alone at this time right?" and this was not even night, I sighed, "I don't want a no from you."

I laughed.

Actually I was happy. Ichigo was just this kind of man. He was just too kind. I couldn't say no to him, after all we were heading in the same direction.

Deep inside my heart, I knew that this was improper, I mean he was taken and his girlfriend was my best friend, but what could I do?

I was trying so hard to fight the urge to smile widely as we walked toward the sport center where Ichigo had his belongings.

"Wait for me here, ok? I'll be back in a hurry!"

I nodded.

I dropped my bag on the floor and sat beside my bag Indian style. Ichigo was heading to the boys locker room to take a shower and change.

I couldn't help but smile. Today, Ichigo would take me home, wasn't that awesome? I knew that if Orihime knew, she might get jealous. But Orihime was a pure hearted girl, she wouldn't get jealous over me, would she? Besides, she didn't have to know…

I inhaled deeply, now I felt bad about this.

Orihime was my friend.

Ichigo was my friend too.

And he was Orihime's boyfriend.

Hell, it made me confuse now.

I fell for the wrong guy.

I sighed, it was dark already out there. My brother would get angry if I was late. I didn't want to anger him. Yet, I was happy that Ichigo was going to take me home. Maybe, just maybe, I should walk slower to get more time with him.

I closed my eyes and still, I could see him.

It was always him. Lately, every time I closed my eyes, it was Ichigo I saw. I tried to stop it, it wasn't right after all. But no matter how hard I kept trying, I couldn't stop think ing about him. The more I told myself that this was wrong, that this feeling shouldn't exist, the more I felt the pressure to have him. I wanted to have him all for myself.

How wrong is that thought?

I could not do that to my very own best friend, now could I?

Orihime was innocent. If she knew, it would break her. I didn't want to break her.

If somebody asked me, when I had fallen in love with Ichigo, I would say I didn't know. I didn't know precisely when I fell for him. As long as I could remember I had already fallen for him. Hard. I started to think about this feeling three years ago, but I was sure I had loved him since far before that. Maybe even since the first time I met him.

I had been trying to erase my feeling for him for years. I had been trying so hard to stop this feeling, to forget him. Then when I realized that it was impossible to stop loving him, I decided to hide it. I loved Ichigo so much, but Orihime was also my best friend and I loved her too. I did not want to hurt her for any reason.

I knew that I had been such a cruel woman. I knew that Orihime had trusted me but what had I done was just like stabbing her from behind. I fell in love with the man she had always loved.I knew I was wrong, however it was Orihime who met him first, and they had been together long before I knew them.

At first, I had told myself to give this feeling up, to throw away all of this feeling and forget him. But summer last year, Ichigo unexpectedly confessed his feeling to me. I had been surprised. I never realized it, never once I had ever thought that he would fall in love with me—a violent woman who smacked his head thousand times. Rather than being happy, I had been so scared. I was scared that all of it was just a dream, and when I woke up I'd put my hope too high.

Maybe it had been really a dream.

After that day, Ichigo and Orihime were still together, even until today. Ichigo and me never talked about what had happened that day anymore. When I saw how his relationship with Orihime didn't change, I believed that he had never been serious when he said that to me. Maybe his feeling for me weren't that deep.

Somehow I was quite disappointed.

I loved Ichigo.

I'd always ahd.

I knew this was wrong. If only Orihime knew about this, she would hate me. She had all the right to hate me, but still I did n't want her to hate me.

All the feeling I had for Ichigo would never make me ready to hurt Orihime.

Maybe.

I knew that Ichigo would never want to hurt Orihime too.

"Oi, let's go!" when I turned around I could see Ichigo there standing, he had changed into t-shirt and jeans "Sorry for having you wait."

I shook my head, "Never mind, It's okay."

Actually I didn't realize that I had been waiting for him this long because my mind was too busy thinking about other things. I stood up and walked to him.

I'd decided.

For now, I would just try to enjoy being by his side.

As his friend.

Ichigo and me walked slowly while chatting to the station. We laughed at some joke and stupid things that happened today. Ichigo seldom laughed, I was lucky that I was one of his few best friends. He almost never laughed in front of other people.

Suddenly I felt like I didn't want to share his laugh to anyone.

Even to Orihime.

I shook my head strongly to erase that thought. I shouldn't think like that. Orihime was my best friend and Ichigo was her boyfriend. I had to respect that fact.

But I wonder why my mind and heart had different ideas.

My mind told me to stop.

My heart would never let me stop.

"Oi, What are you thinking?" Ichigo nudged my arm softly.

I looked at him and smirked, imitating his usual smirk. "Why do you wanna know?"

Ichigo smirked, "Because you made a stupid face."

I laughed, "Look who's talking."

Ichigo laughed too. I smiled, he always looked handsome when he was laughing. I knew that Orihime loved his laughed too.

Oh my, I loved him too much.

But he belonged to someone else.

Before I could realize it suddenly I blurted out, "You make me feel jealous."

Ichigo stopped and turned to me.

"What do you mean by jealous?"

I laughed, "Well, maybe it was more like envy than jealous… Errr… I envy you…"

Ichigo did not say anything, he was scowling and looking into my eyes. When I realized what I had just said I turned red. I did not mean it like that!

"Well, I mean, you're popular Ichigo, and you're strong… you're not that stupid anyway and hey you also have a beautiful girlfriend. What a perfect life there you have!"

Ichigo still looked at me for few seconds without saying anything. He sighed and finally looked away, he walked again as he did so, "You don't have to be jealous…Or envy me… Or anything," he looked at me again while walking and narrowed his eyes, "Look at you, you're popular and strong too for a girl… Everybody likes you, you're fun…" and then he smirked teasingly, "And I don't think you need a beautiful girlfriend now do you…?"

I laughed, "Of course no!"

We laughed.

"You know, Ichigo, you're such a lucky bastard," I said when our laughter died off, "…having such a lovely girlfriend like Orihime…"

He sighed "I know…"

"She is beautiful and really kind."

"I know."

"She loves you."

"I know."

"I love you too."

"I know."

And we stopped walking.

He looked at me, scowling. He didn't smile. I couldn't read his expression. I had no idea why I had said that. Maybe it was just another dream. Maybe it was just one of my imagination, I did not know what was wrong with me. Before I could think about anything, I had already tiptoed and put my hands around his neck. It happened so fast.

I kissed him.

Maybe this feeling had finally driven me crazy.

------------------chapter 2—juri— "feelings" : end-------------------

**-author's note-**

**Once again, :D I thank my BETA for all of her kindness to help me with this chapter :D I would be crazy without her. LunarStar77, love you girl! **

**:D I already finished the 3rd chapter and i will post it once it get beta-ed !**

**R.**


	4. Chapter 3 : Promises

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**Thanks for my BETA: LunarStar77**

**and reviewers:**

Miwa03

bakanootoko

ayame0217

kikyoevil

shigeru

..

..

**Chapter 3 —Ichigo— **

**"Promises"**

I threw my body into the bed. It had been a really tiring day many things had happened to me today. Suddenly I felt really, really tired as my back touched the bed. I frowned as I touched my chapped lips with my fingers. I could still feel it. I could still feel her soft lips on mine.

I closed my eyes.

That was wrong.

That was really wrong.

I shouldn't let her kiss me.

I slapped my face hard and groaned, she had just told me that she loved me, after all of this time, why now? Why must she tell me now, when all I had been only Orihime—and all Orihime had been me. I couldn't put Orihime's happiness on the stake. I just couldn't make Orihime sad. No matter how hard I had fallen in love with Rukia, I still had to protect Orihime. I had to protect her heart. I couldn't break her heart.

I didn't want to break her heart.

Rukia was a really strong girl and that was why I had my eyes on her. She had been always strong since the first time I met her, even until today she had been violent sometimes but that was why I …. Err… liked her.

Okay.

I had loved her for few years now.

I loved her but I didn't want to hurt Orihime. Not now, after all that had happened last year. I wouldn't hurt Orihime, not again.

Rukia was strong, but Orihime was delicate. Orihime had never cried in front of me but I knew I made her cry. Rukia wouldn't cry, I knew that and that was why I chose to stay with Orihime.

If Orihime was the rain, Rukia was the sun.

They were just that different.

I growled as I pressed my hands on my face. It made me crazy, all of this kind of business was just not my thing. I was never good with romance. I thought it gone back to normal after what had happened last year, but today, Rukia told me that she loved me. And kissed me…

It had been almost a year.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Why did it have to be so complicated?

I loved Rukia but I couldn't leave Orihime, yet.

I knew I had to decide but I just couldn't. I had promised to protect Orihime and I would never break a promise.

I didn't know why I felt this way, I thought I was sure about my feeling. But after today, I didn't know anymore.

I had told Rukia once about what had I felt for her, I didn't know what had I thought at that time. Rukia rejected me of course, she had been thinking about Orihime. Now I could understand her reason to reject me, so why now of all times did she have to tell me that she loved me?

_And kissed me…_

"Shit!" I cursed loudly when my phone rang, surprising me when'd been so deep in hought. I glared at the phone before grabbing it and frowned when I saw Renji's name on the screen.

Somehow I felt panic when the name was still flashing on the screen. Why in the world would Renji called me? Did something happen to Orihime? _Damn._ I shouldn't have let him to take Orihime home.

"What's wrong?"

I could hear Renji sighed, "Yo, Ichigo!" I waited for him to continue, "It's about Orihime-chan."

_I knew it!_

I groaned, I sat up from my current position, "What's wrong with her?" my voice was stern, if something happened to her, I would kill that red headed baboon.

"Whoa, easy dude…" Renji gritted his teeth, "Actually Orihime-chan doesn't want me to tell you, but I was worried."

"Tell me."

The baboon let out another sighed, "I think you have to talk to Orihime-chan…"

I frowned, "Why?"

"I think Orihime-chan was a upset today." Renji added quickly, "Not that I want to sniff on your problem or what…" he snickered, "I don't really care about you actually. It is just about Orihime-chan…"

"What happen with Orihime?" I started to lose my patient, this man could be really frustrating sometime, Rukia was right, he wasn't a really smart person but still it annoyed me when he acted like this.

"Well, she was crying today, so…"

"She what?"

"You heard me, Strawberry!" Renji groaned, "She said it was because of her fever but you know, it doesn't look like that. Are you guys fighting or what?"

I stiffened, "No. Of course not."

Renji let out a sound like he didn't believe me, "Well, I don't care about your romance stuff, Berry-kun. Just told you this because I was worried about Orihime-chan."

I sighed, "Yea, thanks a lot."

I put the phone back onto the table next to my bed. I sat on the side of my bed, with my head hanged low. I had a terrible headache suddenly. I pressed my hands to my temples, what Renji had just told me played repeatedly like a broken record in my head.

_She was crying._

Damn.

I made her cry again.

I closed my eyes and scowled, the image of Orihime crying in my head made me wanted to punch someone, maybe myself.

I stood up and grabbed the black jacket I put on the chair. I needed to see Orihime right now. I had to know what made her cry—and why didn't she said anything to me if it was me who made her cry. I knew it was late and Orihime might already be asleep but I had to see her now. I couldn't wait until tomorrow.

"Where are you going, Nii-chan?"

I turned around to see Karin standing behind me with her hands on her hips as I tied my shoe laces, "To Orihime's place."

"At this hour?"

Finished with my shoe laces I stood up, "Yeah," I waved my hand as I walked to the door without looking at my younger sister, "I'll be late…"

I walked out of my house and quickened my pace. Orihime lived with her cousin in the other part of the town. It wasn't really that far actually but I needed to be there soon, so I ran.

The night was surprisingly quite cold for a summer night. The breeze slapped my face as I ran. If what Renji told me was true, then there must be something wrong. Orihime wasn't as strong as Rukia but she almost never cried. To think that it was probably because of me it hurt me.

I had known Orihime for a really long time. More than ten years. And during those times, she had always smiled. Even when she cried, she would smile. I always adored those smiles, I had even promised myself that I would protect that smile. But lately, she hadn't smiled as much as before. Honestly, I missed her smile.

It had been almost a year since the last time I saw her smiled sincerely to me.

I was almost out of my breath when I finally arrived in front of her house. Ever since her brother passed away seven years ago, Orihime lived with her only relative around, Rangiku Matsumoto. I frowned, Rangiku knew about me and Orihime, and she had nothing against our relationship. But yet, I was not sure how would she react if she saw me coming to visit her cousin at this hour. Rangiku could be really—I mean REALLY—extreme sometime.

I pressed the button on the intercom, I wait for half minutes before I heard Orihime's soft voice. It made me relieved, at least she sounded fine.

"Yes?"

"It's me." I swallowed, "Would you let me in."

I could hear a gasp before then she answered, "Uh, oh… Okay… Wait."

There was something. I could hear her voice faltered when she knew it was me. I licked my dried lips. I didn't know why but suddenly I felt really nervous. What if she actually did not want to see me at the moment?

"Ichigo…"

I smiled at the auburn haired girl when she walked out the house and opened the front door for me. She looked pretty with only a pair of short jeans and white cotton t-shirt. She held up her hair in a high pony tail. She smiled back to me faintly, I could see her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying.

"C'mon in," Still smiling she let me enter her house. I followed her into the house.

"Where's Rangiku?"

"Rangiku-san had a date with Gin-san." She closed the door behind me, "She said she'll be late…"

I frowned, I knew what kind of woman Rangiku was, "That means she won't be home tonight."

Orihime smiled, "Or she'll be really late."

I sat on the white coach in the living room, "And you're waiting for her?"

Orihime shook her head as she walked to the kitchen, "What do you want to drink?" I shouted that anything would be fine before she answered my question, "She said I didn't have to wait for her…" She said from the kitchen, "but I just couldn't sleep."

I didn't say anything. Orihime acted like nothing had happened. She forced another smile. I knew that she did that to not make me worry, if only she knew how wrong she was. The way she acted just made me more worried.

"And, may I ask what brings you here?" Orihime came back from the kitchen with two glasses of orange juices in her hands, "It's already late, isn't it…"

I mouthed a thank you as I took the glass from her, "I wanted to see you."

Orihime sighed, looked at me with her beautiful grey eyes and she sat next to me, "I'm fine."

I gulped my orange. Avoid looking into her eyes.

"What did Renji-kun tell you?"

I scowled, she always could read everything.

"You were crying."

That wasn't a question. She knew that and she didn't answer it.

"Why did you cry?"

It was obviously a question but she still didn't answer why she cried.

I exhaled deeply. I put the glass on the table in front of me and looked at her sitting next to me. This time, it was her who avoided my eyes. My frown went deeper when I realized she was chewing her lower lip again. I didn't like that habit of hers. She often hurt her lip by doing that.

"Why do you care?"

She still didn't want to look at me. She hid her face under her bang now.

"You're my girlfriend, Hime…" I didn't like this kind of conversation, she always made it harder for me.

"True." She said, "But you don't love me."

I hissed, "Hime…. You know that I care about you…" I put my hands on her shoulder, I fought the urge to shake her body to make her looked at me, "I just don't want to make you sad…"

She didn't answer.

I knew she was biting her lip again.

"I don't know."

I narrowed my eyes, "What?"

"I don't know you anymore Ichigo…"

That was my line. _I am the one who doesn't know you anymore, Hime…_

"Hime…"

"You love Rukia."

I froz when she mentioned her. A flashback of the kiss played in my head. Suddenly I remembered the kiss. _Shit. _I had almost forgotten about it. About the kiss she gave me today. When finally Orihime raised her head to look at me I couldn't say anything.

"Still, no matter what, I am your boyfriend. That's a fact and nothing will change that."

I couldn't believe what had I said.

"Don't make promises Ichigo…" She shook her head with a kind of expression like she could cry anytime soon, "Especially the one that you can't keep…"

I didn't say anything.

I just pulled her body to me in a comforting hug, "I already promise you, I won't break your heart..." I frowned when I felt her body's heat. She had a fever.

I couldn't see her face, but I knew for some reason, she was smiling, "You know, Ichigo, sometime you're just too good for your own good…"

I smiled even though she couldn't see me, "I hope that won't hurt you."

She did not say anything, she just hugged me back tightly.

"Don't leave me."

She said weakly, still hugging me.

I knew she was right, I shouldn't make promises I couldn't keep.

But I couldn't help it.

"I promise, Hime.." I muttered, "I promise…I won't"

------------------chapter 3—Ichigo— "promises" : end-------------------

**-author's note-**

**I am really sorry for my Beta-san that i have to make her Beta this chapter through her week ends lol.**

**But to be honest, this will be the last chapter fro this month. Next week I have to go to Bali for a photoshoot and I'll be really busy . i hope you don't mind waiting :D**

**thanks alot for all reviewer...**

**and hey, this is an IchiHime fic, believe me.  
**

**R.**


	5. Chapter 4 : Stupidities

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

edited: 4/11/10

**Thanks for my NEW BETA: MiloMaxwell  
**

**and reviewers:**

Shigeru

Bakanootoko

Ayame0217

Miwa03

..

..

**Chapter 4 —Renji— **

**"Stupidity"**

They called me stupid.

I was never the smartest guy in the world but to say that I was stupid was rather mean. I mean, I knew, sometimes it took time for me to understand what people meant to say, but most of the time I could see how people acted and I'd know what they actually mean. Just because it took time for me to realize, it did not mean I would not realize it. I was not that stupid—stupid but just not THAT stupid.

Talk about stupid, I thought that no one would defeat Ichigo. This guy, my friend actually, was a real living idiot. Maybe he was one of—if not the only one—the worst idiot in this world. Period.

He might be quite smart in the class, but when it was about human feeling, he was a total moron.

Gezz…

I did not know what had happened amongst him, Orihime, and Rukia, but I was not blind. I could see that something had happened and somehow I could guess what it was about. Even people like me could somehow put two and two together and got four.

I slammed the now empty glass onto the counter table. I shouted to the young bartender, "One more!"

The emo styled bartender looked at me with his cold green eyes as he walked toward me with a bottle of liquor in his hand. He poured the liquor into my glass and let out an inaudible sigh as he did so. He did not show much expression but I had gotten used to his poker face.

"Are you planning to get drunk again tonight?"

I grabbed the glass and gulped the liquor to the last drop. Once I had drunk it all, I slammed the empty glass again, "More."

The dark haired bartender looked at me with a warning look, "Fine, just remember, do-not-vomit-here."

I rolled my eyes, "You're so talkative tonight, Ulquiorra…"

He looked at me, his expression was still the same plain as usual, "And you're so drunk." He poured more liquor, ""This is the last one."

I did not answer him. I drank the last glass of liquor I could get for tonight. I had known Ulquiorra for years; I knew that once he said something, it would not be the other way. I would never know what was on his mind, but Ulquiorra was an intimidating man, somehow. He could just lean on the wall and looked at a random guy without saying anything, it'd be enough to make the poor random guy want to piss his pants.

He did not say anything as he watched me drink the liquor. His green eyes were almost glowing in the darkness. I pretended like I did not know that he was watching me right now. I looked at the empty glasses, pretended that the pattern of the glass interested me.

"How's she?"

He did not make any expression at that question he just asked me. I looked into his eyes, tried to find some emotion but I found none. I shrugged. I knew who he was talking about; I just did not know how to answer it. I was never good at verbal answer. Hell I was never good at giving any answer.

He demanded an answer.

So I answered.

"Uh, Fine?"

He narrowed his eyed a little, "You don't seem sure."

I sighed, "Why not just go and see her by yourself?" I looked at him seriously, "She misses you… Everyone misses you."

Well maybe except one.

"I do not wish to disturb her."

I almost laughed at his answer. Another stupid guy we had here. I knew, he knew as well as I knew that she would never get disturbed if she knew that he wanted to see her. I was sure, she would be happy. After all, it had been a long time since the last time they met.

Though I knew as well a certain orange haired idiot would not be happy with that.

"You know you would not disturb her." I grinned as I stated matter-of-fact.

He did not say anything. He grabbed a bottle of expensive liquor and rubbed it using the cloth in his other hand to clean it. He did not look at me and his poker face remained same. Expressionless.

Suddenly I remembered it, "Aa.. Today I took her home by my motorbike."

He paused for a moment to look at me and waited until I continued.

"She was pale and had some fever, I could not let her walk home alone."

"And he was?"

His voice was low and cold.

I smirked. This was going to be more interesting.

"Well, he had asked to walk her home but she refused it."

He tore his eyes away from me and continued to clean the bottle, "I see,"

"She was crying."

He stopped.

He narrowed his eyes and looked at me, "Why?"

I shrugged again. I did not know why, "How should I know?"

He rolled his eyes.

He knew I was lying. He knew I knew why she cried. I knew he also knew why she cried. Everyone with heart and eyes would know it. It was such a shame that her boyfriend, the strawberry man, did not know why. That super stupid guy.

"Last year," suddenly he said something with his deep and low voice, "I thought they would break up."

I frowned, this was the first time I heard about it from him. I knew that something had happened last year but I did not know what. Maybe, Ulquiorra knew about something and would tell me.

"What?"

He let out a funny sound that almost sounded like a chuckle, if I did not know him better I would think that he actually really chuckled. But no way, Ulquiorra was not chuckling, not even smiling. Well, at least not in front of me.

"Forget it," he turned around and walked to the other customer who asked for a drink.

I scowled. Great. He could not leave me like that after saying such an interesting thing to me.

"Oi!" I called him once he finished making the drink for the man, "You cannot just stop there, I hafta know!"

He looked at me with his green orbs. Sometimes, the way he looked at me could be really scary. He was scary, I mean, his skin was really pale, leave alone the way he applied his emo make-up. His face was pale, contrast with his jet black hair and the dark circle around his eyes. I did not know why he loved to dressed up this way, it was just too creepy. Plus he has a poker face which would never understand what was in his mind.

"Can't you see it?"

"See what?"

"He does not love Orihime."

I rolled my eyes. At first I thought he was going to say something else, something that I did not know. Gezz, I was not that stupid. My lack of love experience did not make me blind. I knew that Ichigo, albeit he had dated Orihime for years, was not really bright when it came to love matter. That idiot maybe did not realize it, but I knew his feeling more than him.

"He thinks so," I tapped my fingers on the table, the music that filled the room was not the kind of music I like. I tried my best not to look distracted, "But I believe different."

"He loves Rukia."

I was taken a back with that simple statement of the emo guy. He knew it and he caught me off guard. I had tried my best to hide it but he read it. Damn, this guy was definitely not stupid.

"What do you mean?" I knew I never was the one who was good at lying; leave alone to someone as sharp as Ulquiorra Schiffer. I was not good at lying. Or acting. "Ichigo has Orihime."

"You love Rukia."

He looked at me. Even in the dark room like this I could see that his eyes were studying my face. He wanted to know my reaction. I tried not to get intimidated. Damn, it was hard.

I swallowed. He was really intimidating. Shit. He was serious when he said that. I half hoped that he was actually joking, but who I was kidding? Ulquiorra Schiffer was never kidding.

It was useless to deny it. He knew it.

I did not answer. I knew he did not need the answer. He knew it already. Yes, I was right; this man was way too scary…

"If only you did not do it… If only you did not leave us," I sighed, _you left her, _I held my tongue so I would not say that sacred word. I looked at him, tried to study his expression but I found nothing. I continued, "If you did not do that, it would not be this complicated."

"You're wrong." He stated simply, "It would be worse."

I laughed dryly, somehow I understood it, "Yeah, but at least if you were not leaving us…"

"You know the reason."

He cut me.

"Yeah. I'm not that stupid."

He smirked, something that he rarely did.

Ulquiorra left me again when another customer called him. Once he left me, my mind flew back to two years ago, when everything hadn't been this complicated.

If only he didn't do such stupid things like that.

A flash image of the furious Ichigo and crying Orihime was playing on my mind. That was not a really good memory to remember. I would never understand why he should do that, never once in my life have I ever saw Ichigo that furious. Well, I could not really blame Ulquiorra for doing that but I could understand why it pissed Ichigo off.

Suddenly I got a stupid idea. Oh well, stupid things could be brilliant if it went well. I knew that, if I did it well, we could sort all of this problem.

This would definitely work.

I grinned widely. I was proud to my own idea. Hah! And they say that I'm the stupid one! Later they all would thank me for this!

"Oi, Bartender-san!"

Ulquiorra turned to see me. I still grinned as I waved my hand to call him. I could see he sighed and hesitate but finally he walked closer to me.

Yes, this would be good.

"What?"

"Say, are you busy next week?"

He frowned a little, somehow he managed to keep on his poker face as he did so, "Why?"

I smiled, "Why don't we go to Onsen?"

Oh yeah, I'm a genius!

------------------chapter 4—Renji— "Stupidity" : end-------------------

**-author's note- (4/11/10)  
**

ok, my previous Beta could not Beta me anymore, Lucky, i get a new beta... (laugh happily)

oh well, I would post the beta'd chapters of Chapter 5 and 6 after My Beta finish to Beta it.

:D Meanwhile, I am still working on the current chapter.

thank you.

**R.**


	6. Chapter 5 : Hearts

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**edited: 4/26/10**

**Thanks for my LOVELY BETA: MiloMaxwell  
**

**and reviewers :)**

..

..

**Disc: Standard Apllied**

**---beta'd---**

**Dedicated for Blitch-sama. :) She is one of my favorite author. Thanks for continuing reading this fic.**

**Chapter 5 —Orihime—**

"**Hearts"**

**.**

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, "I'm ok."

I looked at him, his lips were like a thin line, his scowl was deep and his eyes looked into mine, he worried about me.

I smiled widely, spinning cheerfully like a ballerina, just to show him I was okay, "See? I am fine!"

"Don't do that! You'll get dizzy!" he warned me.

I giggled and ran few meters in front of him and did the spin again. Ichigo scowled and watched me with such a disapproving look. Not far from him, Renji and Rukia stood with an amused look on their face and plastic bags on their hands. Renji smirked while Rukia shook her head while smiling. They looked kind of happy that I was back to my old self. I wasn't. I was just pretending.

I was really good pretending in front of them lately.

Today we went to the supermarket to buy some stuff that we'd need during our vacation. We bought much stuff like snacks and fireworks. It was supposed to be a cheerful and happy vacation, I did not want to ruin it with my mood. I wanted to make everything normal again. At least, I did not want to look sad. I knew that Renji and Rukia started to worry about me; I did not want to make anyone worry. No one, not even Ichigo, especially him. So today, after the shopping I requested to them so we would walk through this park on our way home. I wanted to show them that I was ok and fine.

We bought quite a lot of things but they did not let me to bring the plastic bag. They still treated me like this, which was why I wanted to show them that I was fine. They should not worry about me.

A few days ago, I fainted. It was not that bad but they almost canceled the plan just because of that. Just because of me. Of course I would not let them to do that. I had to make them sure that I was okay. I would not let them cancel this vacation they had been waiting for so long just because of a stupid reason: me.

"Ah," I almost tripped when a strong hand caught my arms to stop me from falling.

"I told you to be careful…"

Ichigo looked at me scowling as usual.

I bit my lower lip. I felt my cheeks burning.

He was too close. This was not good for my heart.

"Don't forget, we're here too, you guys!" Renji called.

I quickly pulled away from Ichigo and murmured an almost inaudible thank you. He just nodded. I wondered what he was thinking about. I stole a glance at Rukia and I caught her looking at Ichigo's back. I knew the expression she wore. It was jealousy.

"You will give me heart attack one day, Hime," he whispered as we started to walk again. This time he grabbed my hand and did not let it go.

I just lowered my head.

If I did not know better, I would think that he loved me.

Rukia and Renji quickened their pace, now they walked right beside Ichigo. The three of them talked about something, I looked at the other why, did not want to let them to see my expression now. My heart was beating faster than usual.

Ichigo did not let my hand go. He talked with Renji and Rukia, still holding my hand.

I wonder if he could hear my heartbeats, after all it had been so noisy here inside my chest.

I wonder if there was a naughty little blue man hammering on my heart now.

I close my eyes and inhaled deeply. I tried to calm my heart a little. It didn't work so I opened my eyes slowly. I tilted my head and looked at the summer sky. I wondered why the summer skies always looked higher than usual.

Maybe it was just me.

Ichigo was laughing at something Renji said. I did not know what it was about because I didn't pay attention on what they were talking about. Instead, I looked at our entwined hands. His hand was big, and calloused because he had used it to swing the wooden sword at least one hundred times a day. It was big, calloused… and warm.

Hot. It was hot.

His hand was burnt!

Or was it fever?

No….

…Maybe it was my hand.

I smiled, I hadn't known the last time I felt so relaxed like this. His hand, just by holding his hand, gave me peace. If only we could stay like this forever.

No.

I reminded myself.

I should be realistic. We could not be like this forever.

Ichigo would need his hand to do something; I could not hold it forever.

Neither his hand nor his heart, I could get neither.

Suddenly I felt a pang inside my chest.

It was my heart again; I wondered why it was so hurtful every time I remembered that Ichigo did not love me. I wondered why my mind told me to let him go—he did not love me after all—but my heart told me not to, and now when I had done as what my heart said… it hurt.

I remembered that night, when he hugged me—or was it me that hugged him?—and told me that he promised that he would never leave me. That night, somehow—even thought my mind told me that it was impossible, that it was just a sweet nothing—my heart told me to believe it.

This heart could be really annoying sometimes.

But I could not ignore it. However, it was my heart which had chosen him in the first place.

My heart had been really noisy whenever he was around me.

I wonder if his heart did the same whenever he was around Rukia.

I bit my lower lip.

"…Hime.."

I turned as someone called me. It was Ichigo. He stopped and I did the same.

"You didn't hear what I said, did you?" He was still scowling. I wondered if that scowl was permanent.

"Eh… What?"

"Geezz, what are you thinking, Orihime…" Rukia teased me, she smiled, her usual pretty smile, "You aren't too excited about this vacation, now are you?"

I startled, "Of course I do!" I was just thinking about something else, "I was just … eh… spacing out…"

Ichigo sighed, "Well, I asked you, Renji planned to take his friend with us…" he explained to me, "You could also take Tatsuki with you right? Renji said that…"

"My friend wanted to join us!" Renji cut Ichigo, "He has no one to spend summer vacation with, and with our current number now that you take Tatsuki with you, he would make it even! What do you think, Orihime-chan?"

I frowned, he has no one to spend summer vacation with? So sad.

"Of course it is okay, Renji kun!" I smiled, "The more the merrier!"

Ichigo groaned, he had always thought that I was too good for my own good. Though I thought he had known better, I was not that good.

"This guy, your friend, we can trust him, right?" Ichigo asked Renji as we continued to walk. His hand still held mine.

Renji made a hurt face—which by the way would not work to Ichigo—and rolled his eyes, "You don't have to be that rude, Strawberry! I'm not stupid, it's not like I would take a criminal with us."

Wow Renji knew some criminals? He was really cool.

"Yeah, I would ask the same question to you, Tattooed Baboon…" Rukia smirked, he put her hands in her jacket's pockets, "I knew that almost your friends are— except us of course— your kind."

"What do you mean?" Renji narrowed his eyes, ready for a fight with the small woman.

"They're jerks." It was Ichigo who said it.

Rukia laughed.

Suddenly my heart pounded harder.

Rukia's face as she looked at Ichigo was…

…beautiful.

Her eyes were full of love.

She was too beautiful.

"Don't worry Orihime-chan…"

When I realized it, Renji had already on my other side and whispered to my ear.

"You will like to meet him."

Something clenched on my heart.

My heart told me that something would happen.

**------------------chapter 5—Orihime— "Hearts" : end-------------------**

**Author's Note:**

**There are few things I want to say about the story, first, I am sorry for the short chapter (I hope I make it up by updating it faster). I would be busy, and I do not want to force my beta-san to work in hurry, so I posted the unbeta'd chapters first (I would be busy so I am not sure when will I update again, hopefully someday next week). I'm so sorry for grammar and typos. I hope you could still understand it.**

**Second, about the plot, I could only say please be patient and believe me that all the good things will happen after the bad things. The reason why it is slow was because I divided every chapter into different POV, which mean I could only take one step each time (or so I believe).**

**Third, I did not like to spoil my story, but I give you hints about each character's true feeling not directly by dialogue or by the thought of the character. If I wrote it using 3rd person POV (my POV) I could just simply stated about what the characters thought and feel, but since I use 1st POV, I could not do that. What you read is what the character wanted to tell you or what they think, hint: Some didn't want to tell you everything, some character did not understand and misunderstand his/her own feeling, and some character misunderstood the others' feeling.**

**I hope I did not make you confuse.**

**Thanks for reading, alerting and reviewing!**

**Love yah!**

**-R-**


	7. Chapter 6 : Pretenders

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**edited: 4/27/10**

**Thanks for my LOVELY BETA: MiloMaxwell  
**

**and reviewers :)**

..

..

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**BETA'D**

**Written for Jin-sama**

**(aku gak peduli kamu cewek atau cowok, aku suka kamu)**

**Chapter 6 —Rukia— **

"**Pretenders"**

I looked outside of the window. There was nothing interesting behind the train's window, but I'd rather look at it than to see the couple who sat in front of me. I crossed my arms on my chest and rested my back, tried to act as casual as I could.

Thought it was kind of hard after what had been going on last night.

We were on our way to the onsen now. We had split into two groups, Renji and his friend had gone first by car to do reservation while I and the others used the train. I missed Renji, at least if he were here, it would not be this boring.

I looked at the girl with spiky black hair who sat next to me. I sighed when I saw the strongest girl in town was closing her eyes listening to her i-pod. I definitely couldn't talk with her now.

Ichigo and Orihime who sat in front of me were talking about something. Their voices were low, I could not catch what were they talking about, but I could hear Orihime giggled sometime when Ichigo said something. She laughed and he smirked when she laughed. I frowned and looked away; they both seemed like they were in a bright mood today.

I touched my forehead to the window.

Ichigo really did what he said.

I knew he was a man who would never take his own word. I should know that last night he was serious when he told me that.

I should have known.

I closed my eyes.

I remembered every word he said last night. I still remembered his expression when he said it.

I wanted to forget it but I could not.

-

"_I hope Renji finds a nice inn for us!"_

"_I bet he will." Ichigo shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked beside me, "It was his entire plan after all."_

"_I still wanted to go to the beach actually." _

_He did not say anything as we continued walking through the park. I walked a little faster, the park in the summer night always full of couples doing M-rated stuff. It made me uneasy. I did not know why Ichigo chose this route; there were so many other routes to get my house after all. _

_Maybe because it was the shortest route, I thought._

"_I am sorry."_

_I startled a little when he suddenly apologized, did he read my mind?_

_I raised a brow, "Huh?"_

"_You want to go to the beach right?"_

"_Yeah… but…"_

"_And Orihime wants to go to the mountain…"_

_I understood now._

_I looked away from him and smiled. This man might look and acted like a punk but he had such a soft side too. He apologized for something that was not his fault. It was just like something that Orihime would do. I almost laughed; I realized how lately Orihime had acted a little bit like him too. _

_It was so cute that it hurt me._

"_It's okay… I want to go to the onsen too…"_

_He smiled, "Yeah."_

_I sighed._

_After the kiss few days ago, I had not talk about it with him. I had told him that I love him, and I kissed him too, but he had not said anything about it._

"_Err… Ichigo…"_

_Should I ask him?_

"_Hmm?" he did not look at me as we kept on walking._

_After all he had said he loves me a year ago._

_Did he still love me?_

"_What do you think…"_

"_Hmm?"_

…_about me?_

_I could not say it._

"…_about Orihime?"_

_He scowled deeper, but he did not stop walking, "Why?"_

_I gulped, why? I did not know why I asked him that…_

_But he did not wait for me to answer._

"_I want to protect her."_

_I nodded._

_Everyone wanted to protect her, even me._

"_I wanted to protect her no matter what."_

_The seriousness in his tone hurt me but I managed to keep my straight face. No… I should not show him that it hurt me. No… I should not be jealous. _

"_I see."_

_He nodded._

"_I have decided, Rukia…"_

_I looked at him._

_He did not look at me, "I would not leave her."_

_I did not say anything. I just looked away._

_I understood what he meant._

"_I am sorry, Rukia."_

'_No, you're not.'_

-

"…ia"

I took a deep breath.

"Rukia!"

I was more than startled when a warm finger touched my cheek.

When I turned around to see whose finger was that, I saw the three of my friends had looked at me with such an amused look. Orihime, who poked my cheek just now, smiled when I finally gave them my attention.

"Are you okay?"

The auburn haired girl looked at me with a concerned look.

"Eh?" I blinked.

"You didn't respond to Orihime's question." Tatsuki who had turned off her i-pod raise an eyebrow, "What are you doing? Daydreaming?"

Yes.

"No!" I laughed; I looked at Orihime and rubbed the back of my head, "I am so sorry, I'm just so sleepy…"

"Oh… it's okay!" Orihime gave me one of her best smile, she clasped her hands together, "I am happy that you are okay… I already thought that the blue men have come and stole your brain…" she pouted, "Those little men are really annoying lately."

I laughed.

"What were you asking me again?"

"Oh, yeah that!" she was still smiling, "Do you have any idea who is Renji's friend who'll join us?"

I shrugged, "Eh, I don't know… I never asked him."

"I asked him." Ichigo leaned back, "But he said it was a secret."

The strawberry pinched the bridge of his nose, one of his gestures that I loved so much. I slapped my face mentally for thinking something like that. Ichigo had said it last night, he chose Orihime. Well he did not really say it like that, but I knew that what he meant.

"I hope he is a nice person!" Orihime said, "Well, but since he is Renji's friend he must be interesting."

"I just hoped that he is not a punk." Tatsuki crossed her legs. The karate girl eyed Ichigo lazily, "It would be quite a problem if all the guys who go with us are punks."

"I heard that, Tatsuki." Ichigo warned his neighbor.

"You're supposed to."

I smiled and leaned back to my seat and close my eyes. This was just how it supposed to be. Everything suddenly had been back to normal. Orihime giggled, Ichigo scowled, and we all teased each other. I should be happy that everything had been like before.

But I was not happy.

Call me egoist.

Call me selfish.

I wanted Ichigo.

I was jealous.

I wanted to scream.

"Are you sure, you're really okay, Rukia?"

I opened my eyes, "I'm fine Orihime." I forced a smile, "I was just so tired." I turned to Tatsuki, "How long until we'll be there?"

Tatsuki checked her watch, "About four hours more."

I hid a sigh.

"You can just sleep, Rukia…" Orihime told me sweetly, this girl was too kind for her own good, I could not hate her. I would never hate her, "We won't be noisy…" she gave me a wide smile, "And don't worry, I will watch over you so the little green men would not come to steal your brain!"

I smiled weakly.

If these little green men really existed, I wanted them to come and steal my heart.

That way, it would not be broken.

-

I was not sleeping, I was pretending to sleep. That way, nobody would disturb me and my thoughts. I curled into a ball, tried to hid my face, I was never good in pretending. I was never good in hiding anything. Including my feelings.

It had been almost a year.

My feeling must have been shown.

Ichigo wasn't stupid, he must know what I felt about him. I'd even kissed him; he should know how I felt about him.

Then why was he pretending like he didn't understand my feelings?

Then why had he said those words to me last night?

Does he not love me anymore?

"Tatsuki, would you go with me?"

I heard Orihime asked her friend.

"Sure."

I heard both of them stood up.

"Where are you going?"

Ichigo, clueless as usual, was asking.

"Idiot," Tatsuki scolded him, "We're going to the restroom."

"Tatsuki…" Orihime hissed.

"Oh… okay…"

I heard both girls left us. I tried not to open my eyes. It would be better if I kept pretending to sleep.

"I know you weren't sleeping."

I opened my eyes but I did not look at him.

I could feel him looking at me with his well-known scowl. I did not answer; after all he already knew that I was pretending. I was just curling there, waiting for him to continue talking. I waited but he did not say anything.

I swallowed, this was awkward.

Maybe, he was waiting for me to say something.

"Do you love her?"

I blurted.

"Huh?"

"Do you love Orihime?"

I still did not look at him.

"Rukia…"

"Or are you pretending to love her."

He did not answer.

"You pretend to love her so you won't hurt her."

"Rukia… I don't want to talk about it."

Then just say yes already!

"Answer me."

"You know the answer."

"No."

"Rukia… I just want to make it all less difficult for us, please don't make it complicated…" I knew he was frustrated that I refused to look at him.

"Then answer me."

"You know the answer."

No.

I pretended that I didn't.

**------------------chapter 6—Rukia— "Pretenders" : end-------------------**

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry that I am late. I have exams this week until next week so I'm kind of busy. Oh, BTW I need a new BETA reader, I would be happy if any of you could help me. The previous beta could not work with me again for one and other reason :) PM me if you want to be my BETA. (I have rurouni kenshin's and nodame cantabile's fictions too, if you want to help me just tell me ;))**

**(EDIT APRIL27, i got a new BETA READER , :))  
**


	8. Chapter 7 : Memories

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU.**

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**edited: 4/27/10**

**Thanks for my LOVELY BETA: MiloMaxwell  
**

**and reviewers :)**

..

..

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**BETA'D**

**Written for : ) Yokoyama You**

**Chapter 7 —Ulquiorra—**

"**Memories"**

Once upon a time we were friends.

There were times where we walked side by side. She would talk about random things in her head and I would listen to her. She talked about many things, there were a lot of interesting things she said to me, and I still remembered those things until today. About her dreams, about the puppies she saw, about the little green men or gigantic robot, or about him.

She would smile and I would feel that weird feeling in my chest.

Some time we lay on the grass, watching the stars. She would wait for a shooting star and when she saw one she would pull my sleeve, telling me to make a wish.

I still remembered it.

She would close her eyes and pray.

I knew she would not tell me but I would still ask her what her wish was. I asked her only to see her shy smile. She would smile shyly and tell me it was a secret. She could not tell me because then the magic would be lost.

She did not have to answer it.

I knew.

She wished for him.

Always him.

I was a freak. Everybody feared me, if not hated me. They said that I was scary, or intimidating. Only her, someone who ever told me that I have a funny face.

"_You know, Ulquiorra-kun, you have a funny face."_

_I looked at her confused._

_She quickly added, "Not in the bad way… I mean, when was the last time you smile?"_

"_Huh?"_

_She flashed me with that one million dollar smile, "Here…" she touched the skin between my brows with her index finger innocently, "This part would be like Ichigo's if you don't start smiling from today…"_

She was the only one who made me feel that I was a human, too.

She was different.

She was beautiful, pure, innocent,

Loving.

"_What happened with you?"_

"_I'm fine, Hime…"_

"_But you're bleeding!"_

"_It's normal, I am a man…"_

"_It's not that! You at least have to clean it!"_

_I looked at the couple._

_She looked worried and he tried to convince her that he was fine. I watched her as she clumsily dove into her purse to find a bandage. He told her again that he would be okay and that he would take care of the scratch when he was home. Of course she would not listen._

Ichigo Kurosaki was a lucky man.

If I had someone I hated so much in this world it should be Ichigo Kurosaki. I hated him but she loved him. I wanted to hurt him, to kill him but I did not want to hurt her, and to hurt him without hurting her in the process was impossible.

We talked about it once.

I knew he never really liked me.

"_Why do you look at me like that?!"_

_Orihime was nowhere to be seen at that time. I assumed that she whether had a class or being with that karate girl._

"_Like what?"_

_Ichigo gritted his teeth "Like THAT!"_

_I sighed and turned away, this would only waste my time, "Pardon me then."_

"_I don't like it."_

_I glanced over my shoulder._

_The orange haired man was scowling._

"_I knew you went to Aizen's place."_

_I narrowed my eyes, "So?"_

"_Damn it, Ulquiorra, I don't care even if you fuck him," he tried to threaten me, "But listen, I knew how dangerous that man is. If you want to have business with him, makes sure you stay away from Hime."_

_I looked at him._

_He was serious._

"_It's none of your business."_

_And I walked away._

Maybe, I should listen to him.

Or not.

I shook my head to forget all of that. Today was not a perfect day to remember what had happened.

Someone tapped on my shoulder; I turned around to see a red haired tattooed man grinning at me. Today, this red monkey looked really happy. I could guess why, I could smell it. He had a plan. I did not ask what it was though.

"Their train should be here soon." The red haired man grinned widely as he informed me.

I nodded.

When was the last time I felt nervous like this?

"Excited?"

I narrowed my eyes. The red monkey gave me a boyish smile. I sighed but I said nothing. Soon, I would meet them again. Soon, I would meet her.

How long had it been actually?

It had been a year…

Almost.

But it felt like forever.

How would she react?

I leaned on the wall behind me. I crossed my hand in front of my chest. I hated to say it, but the monkey was right. I was excited.

And nervous.

"_Where would you take me?"_

"_It's a surprise."_

"_Where?"_

"_It would not be a surprise if I told you, woman."_

_She pouted. I licked my lower lip unconsciously. Didn't she know how kissable she was right now? She always protested why I never called her by her name. I never answered her truthfully, but actually, I just wanted to see her expression like this._

"_Fine, but I hope you didn't take me to the green men place. They are really bad!"_

_Oh, how she was almost right._

_Except, this one was even worse than those little green men from her imagination world._

I still have nightmares about that day.

Was it love?

I felt something weird for her. I did not know what it was. I did not want to know. I was not sure it was love. The way she looked at that orange head was love. The way she smiled around him was also love. The way she called his name was love. What she felt about him was love.

The feeling was so pure.

I was not sure I could have such a pure feeling like that. It might be lust. It might be passion. But never love. It should not be love.

"Do you think she would be scared?"

Renji was not expecting that I would say something to him. He turned around and looked at me with confused look.

"What?"

I sighed, "Do you think she would be scared?"

"Of what?"

"Of me."

He looked into my eyes.

"No." he said in serious tone, "She might be surprised, but would never be scared." He added with a wry smile, "She had seen the monster of him but she still loves him nevertheless."

I did not say anything anymore. Renji rolled his eyes and turned around once more.

Monster.

He had turned into monster but she still loved him.

"_Ichigo!!!!"_

_He did not listen to her and continued his assault. He had always been fast, but in this state he was even faster. I tried to block his punch but I failed. He growled and kicked my stomach. I heard her screaming my name in horror as I coughed up blood._

"_Ichigo, please stop."_

I had done bad things to her and she still worried about me.

He had turned into a monster and she still loved him.

Orihime Inoue was the woman with purest heart I ever knew.

I closed my eyes.

It had been a year. I wonder if she had changed.

_"I love you…."_

_She stood there few meters in front of me._

_I saw her back, yet I could imagine the sadness on her face._

_It was awkward, even for me. I didn't know how I could be in this situation in the first place. There I was, watching her trembling and shaking. The man she loved so much, the man she adored so much, made a love confession to another woman. The other woman who also was her best friend. I couldn't say that I understood what she felt but I could not stand seeing her heart broken like that._

_There was nothing I could do._

_She stood there behind the door._

_I was too far to see what she saw behind the door, but I was not that far that I could hear the conversation as well._

_"I can't… I'm sorry…"_

_It was Rukia._

_"I understand…"_

_And I thought he loved Orihime._

_I was not good with human's feeling, but I could always trust my instinct._

_My instinct had always told me that he loved Orihime._

_Now that he confessed to Rukia..._

_...maybe my instinct was wrong._

_"I'll tell her…"_

_"It'll hurt her…"_

_"….I know."_

_Weird._

_I could not believe it._

_"I don't love her…"_

_That was bullshit._

I opened my eyes slowly.

"Hey, there they are!"

I looked at where Renji pointed.

The red baboon waved his hands, "Oi! We're here!"

The group finally looked at him. I saw she smiled at him and walked toward us. They had not recognized me yet.

Suddenly I felt nervous.

Maybe even more than before.

I was about to turn around and walk to the men's toilet to vomit when she saw me.

The strawberry soon recognized me too.

Her eyes widened.

It was almost like a whisper but I could hear it clearly.

"Ulquiorra…."

I sighed.

"Long time no see, woman…"

**------------------chapter 7—Ulquiorra— "Memories": end-------------------**

**Author's Note:**

**Actually this was Ichigo's part but I changed it to Ulqui's. I think it is better to leave Ichigo's feeling unrevealed for now. I would make the next chapter to be Ichigo's part maybe but first I need to reveal some secret of the past here. I hope I did not confuse you. Oh by the way, draw some Ichihime fan arts in deviantart, check them out if you have time :) I will draw more if I had time, recchinon(dot)deviantart(dot)com**

**I am sorry for the delay. I was really sick this past two weeks and have to rest. You have not left me.**

**Well, thanks for reading this chapter. Review if you have something to say or if you think it deserves a review. If not, I still thank you for your time reading this.**

**Have a nice Sunday!**

**XO.**

**Recchinon**


	9. Chapter 8 : Loves

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU.**

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**edited: 4/27/10**

**Thanks for my LOVELY BETA: MiloMaxwell  
**

**and reviewers :)**

..

..

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**BETA'D**

**Written for all of you**

**Chapter 8 —Ichigo— **

"**Love"**

It was stupid.

Renji had lost his mind, yeah it must be it. If not, he would not dare to bring that… that guy with him! I should have known since he showed me that smug grin when I asked him who he would bring along with him. I already had a feeling that his friend would be some kind of punk.

This one was even worse than any other punk.

Damn that baboon in human skin.

I clenched my fists.

No need to say, our walk to the inn was awkward. Hime walked really close to me, almost like she was trying to hide behind my body. She might have pretended like she was okay by smiling and talking about random things, but the way her hand clenched on my sleeve told me different. She pretended to be okay. I scowled deeper. Why did she always do that?

"_I'm okay!" _

"_No, you're not. Let me check your temperature…"_

"_No!" she stepped back quickly avoiding my palm._

_I growled, "Hime…"_

"_I'm fine!" She insisted, she placed her hands to cover her forehead so I could not touch it, "I'll be okay, don't worry so much!"_

She could be really funny sometimes.

She did not want me to be worry about her. Of course I would worry about her. After all, I was her boyfriend. I swallowed at the thought. _Boyfriend, _eh? A year ago, if she did not insist to stay with me, would I still be her boyfriend? If we really broke up that day, would she be okay? Would I still worry about her? Would she have another boyfriend by now?

I sighed.

I felt it.

He looked at me.

No, he looked at her who walked beside me.

That damned Ulquiorra.

I looked at the man. He looked back at me but say nothing. This man… How dare he show his face again in front of us after what had he done to my Hime? Hime might have forgiven him, she was just that naïve, but I would never forgive him.

"Ok, here we are!" Renji announced as we arrived in front of a traditional inn.

The inn looked nice and it was not that far from the train station. I had to admit that Renji had done his best to find the place for us to stay; after all, he was the one who insisted that we had to go to the Onsen this year.

When we walked into the building, a middle aged woman had been already there to welcome us. The woman in kimono was the Okami [*], she bowed gracefully to welcome us. I bowed back rather stiffly; I was never really good with this kind of formality.

"Welcome to Ran Inn…"

"Uh, we already book two rooms…" I looked at Renji but he just nodded, "For two nights…"

The Okami nodded, again so gracefully, "We already prepared the room for you, let me show you the room…" She looked at our bags, "Oh, and you can just leave your belongings there, our staffs will bring them to your rooms…"

I nodded.

The Inn was really good. Actually I didn't expect anything like this. I looked at Renji, wondering if he was lying about the price. He just gave me a toothy grin like telling me not to worry that he had everything under control.

We booked two rooms, one room for the girls and one room for the boys. Once again I was surprised when I saw the room where I would spend the nights. Damn, this must be expensive.

When the Okami left the room with the girls to show them their room, Renji did his monkey dance to express his happiness.

"OH YEAAAAAH! ONSEN, BABE~ O-N-S-E-N!"

I rolled my eyes.

Ulquiorra walked to the closet and open it. He took a yukata[2] and a towel from the closet and left the room before I could say anything to him.

I frowned.

I have to spend three days and two nights with this guy?

We would kill each other in the first night for sure.

I sighed.

Renji was like a hyper monkey. He dashed to check the closet, the one where Ulquiorra had gotten his yukata just now. He took the two other yukatas and showed them to me.

"Look! They prepare the Yukata for us!"

I sat on the prepared futon[3] on the floor.

"Why did you take him with us?"

Renji tried to act innocence, "Who?"

"Ulquiorra Schiffer."

"Oh, well…" Renji gave a wry smile, "Why not? He is our friend…"

"He was." I hissed, he would not understand, "Do you forget what he has done to Orihime?!"

Renji rolled his eyes, "It was a mistake, Ichigo, hey… Orihime-chan has forgiven him, hasn't she? Why would it matter for you?"

"What if he tried to do something bad to her again?" I felt like I started to lose my temper, _calm down, Ichigo, calm down… _I tried to control myself.

"That's why I asked you, _why would it matter for you?_"

This guy, he tried my patience.

I gritted my teeth, "Why wouldn't it matter for me?! She is my girlfriend, for God sake!"

"Do you love her?"

I blinked my eyes.

Renji leaned to the wall next to the closet. He looked at me with a serious look. He crossed his arms,

"If you don't love her, it wouldn't be such a big matter…"

"Why, you…"

"Because he loves her." He cut me, "You don't have to worry, Ichi. Ulquiorra loves Orihime; he would not hurt her, again. Once is enough…"

I could not believe what I heard.

I mean, I knew as well that that emo guy had something for Hime, but Renji just said it bluntly.

He told me that I did not have to worry.

…because he loved her.

What the fuck?

Now I had more reason to worry.

I groaned when I saw the red head walked toward the door.

"Where are you going?!"

"I'm going to take a bath… We're in Onsen now, we better enjoy it…" He waved his hand without even turning around to look at me.

I knew he planned it.

That monkey.

I cursed.

I had to refresh my mind before it exploded.

***

"Oi… Ichigo!"

I turned around and saw a girl with spiky hair walked toward me, she grinned widely. It was in the main corridor, I was just about to walk out of the inn building.

"Where are you going?" she asked, she punched my arm playfully, "Why don't you try the Onsen? It's great!"

I saw her hair was slightly wet, she must had just taken a bath, "Nah… later. I just wanna walk around here to get some fresh air."

She nodded, "Sounds nice, mind if I join you?"

I just shrugged and the tomboy took that as an approval.

"Let's go then."

It was a nice summer night. The air was fresh and the sky was clear with sparkling stars on it. I could not help myself but to smile, I bet Hime would love this. She loved stars. Well, actually she loves many things, but I just knew she would love the night sky here.

"Where're Hime and Rukia?"

The karate champion rubbed her nose, "They're still in the Onsen..." Suddenly she smirked, "Why? You missed her already?"

I sighed, "Stupid."

Tatsuki laughed, "You're the stupid one! Don't be shy; she is your girlfriend, silly! It's okay to miss her."

I just rolled my eyes.

We continued to walk following the mountain path. I reminded myself not to walk too far. Tatsuki walked beside me. Tatsuki was one of my childhood friends. She lived not too far from me and we used to play together when we were younger, but after high school we were not that close anymore. She was Hime's best friend that was why sometimes we would talk, but honestly, this was the first time after a really long time we had a chance to talk.

"It had been a long time, ne, Ichigo."

It was like she could read my mind.

I nodded, "Sure does."

"You've changed."

It was dark; I could not see her face so I did not know her expression when she said that.

"Really?" Not sure what to say, I rubbed the back of my head, it was getting awkward.

"You still remember that day? When we were ten, a kid picked on Hime because she didn't have any parents." She did not wait for me to answer that to continue, "You kicked that kid in the butt. Really hard." She laughed at the memories, "Do you remember that day?"

I nodded.

I remembered that, vaguely.

"Do you remember what you said back then?"

Again she did not wait for me to answer that.

"You said, 'Orihime may not have any parents'…" the tomboy said in a really bad impersonation of childish me, "'But she had me! I will marry her and she will have a family with me!' you said that."

Tatsuki laughed.

I did say that.

I actually had forgotten that until she said that to me.

Damn, that was embarrassing.

Tatsuki stopped.

I stopped to and turned to look at her.

"Tatsuki?"

"Do you still feel that way?"

"Huh?"

She looked at me.

She did not repeat her question, knowing that I heard that one.

_Do I still feel that way?_

She must have recognized the confuse look on my face. She sighed.

"You know, Ichigo, you confuse love and sympathy with each other." She turned around to the direction where the Inn was, "There are many kinds of feeling Ichigo… You can idolize someone, you can pity someone… but they are different than love…"

I could not say anything.

I was confused.

I, Ichigo Kurosaki, knew nothing about feelings. I had to admit that.

"You are confused."

She read my mind again.

"And that hurts Hime."

I did hurt her.

"I don't know…"

Tatsuki stopped but she did not turn around.

I looked at her back.

"I felt like, I was not good enough for her."

She did not say anything.

She listened.

"I am a monster."

I didn't know what I was talking about; the words were just jumping out of my mouth.

"I could hurt her. I don't want to hurt her… She is… Fragile…"

I sighed.

"That's why… That's why I think, it's better if I love someone stronger… So I would not break her. It would be better if I loved someone stronger…"

Like Rukia.

"…So, I told myself, I did not love her. I did not want her."

Tatsuki stood still. I thanked her for not turning around. I did not want her to see my face now.

"I…"

"Does it work?"

"Eh?"

"Your theory, the damn stupid theory, does it work?"

I shook my head though I knew she could not see it.

"No."

I heard her sigh.

"Stupid."

"I know."

She finally turned around and faced me. Her hands were on her hips, "You know Ichigo; there were times when you have to stop thinking and just follow your feelings."

I looked at her.

She gave me a smirk.

"Do you worry when she looks pale?"

I nodded.

"Do you find it is almost impossible to deny her wish?"

I nodded.

"Do you feel uneasy and comfortable at the same time when she snuggles to you?"

I turned a bit red, but I nodded. She saw this and smiled wryly.

"Do you forget about other things when you're with her?"

I remembered the night after the kiss with Rukia.

I nodded.

"Does it hurt to see her tears?"

I nodded.

"There are some other things but let's skip it since I knew the answer already." She widened her smile; "Now last question, do you feel like you're ready to kill someone just because they look at her in such an improper way?"

I nodded.

It did not have to be improper. I felt like killing any man who laid their eyes on her.

"Well," she clasped her hands with a really wide satisfy smile on her face, "I think we know the answer already."

**------------------chapter 8—Ichigo— "Loves": end-------------------**

**Okami : a traditional inn mistress**

**Yukata : a traditional clothe, look like kimono but lighter and usually for summer**

**Futon: a traditional mattress to sleep**

**Author's note:**

**Well, sorry that I updated it too fast :P I just drank a big cup tea just now and I could not sleep. I don't know what to do and so I decided update this fic.. Even after writing this 8 pages chapter down I am not sleepy yet. I wonder what to do…**

**…maybe write more chapters.**

**XO**

**Recchinon.**


	10. Chapter 9 : Plans

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU.**

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

**Thanks for my LOVELY BETA: MiloMaxwell  
**

**and reviewers :)**

..

..

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**BETA'D**

**Written for all of you**

**Chapter 9 —Renji— **

"**Plans"**

When I said I wanted to go to the Mountain this summer, there was only one reason behind it. Onsen. Why onsen? First, I do love onsens. Second, I thought that this would be a public onsen where men and women take a bath together, and naked--oh, okay, they don't have to be naked, they may wear towel or bathrobe--but hell, I was wrong.

_"Oh, no sir... It was 5 years ago... Now, we separate the Onsen for men and women.." The okami made an apologizing face as I let my jaw dropped in shock. The lady tried to explain to me, "It caused so much trouble, we got some complains from the ladies about some pervert guests..."_

_I could not say anything._

_I might be one of those pervert guests..._

_"Ah, well, let me show you the way to the men's Onsen..."_

I sighed.

It was not that bad. After all, this was not a bad place for a vacation, even though I could not see Ruk... err.. the girls naked, at least I could enjoy the onsen.

This was not that bad.

I put the warm wet clothe on my head. I rested my back on the rock behind me, enjoying the heat of the water. This was not bad at all. I could relax here. I closed my eyes and smirked cockily. So far, my plan to make Ichigo realize his true feeling for Orihime-chan was going well. I bet Tatsuki would do her part excellently. If her words could not help, I believed her fists would.

Plus, with Ulquiorra around, I believed Ichigo would be extra protective with Orihime. That would leave some space for me to get Rukia's attention. Well, if Ichigo realized his true feeling for Orihime, maybe Rukia would realize that Ichigo was not the one for her. Maybe she would start to think about me... Oh well, or at least with Ichigo being out of picture I could have a better chance.

My plan did not sound half bad.

I smiled.

"What's your plan?"

I opened my eyes.

Tsk.

I forgot about this guy.

I tilted my head to look at the emo guy.

He crossed his hand in front of his pale chest. There were only two of us in the onsen. He was so quite until now; I almost forgot that he was actually here.

"What's your plan?"

He repeated.

As usual, it was hard to read his facial expression. He had such a poker face, but somehow this time I could see anger radiated from him. He looked slightly irritated. Maybe it was just my imagination, but it was like he always looked like that.

When I did not answer him, Ulquiorra continued, "I know you asked me to come to provoke Ichigo."

I smirked, I knew he was not stupid, "You knew, eh"

"Yeah."

"And yet, you come."

He looked at me in the eye.

He said nothing.

"Why?"

He sighed, "Because I thought it would be interesting."

"Oh yeah?"

He said nothing to answer me.

He didn't have to.

I knew the reason why he came. I knew that even though he had tried to hide himself all of this time, he had been always watching Orihime silently. Ichigo might not realize it but I saw Ulquiorra around the University complex a few times. I knew he also did not know why, but somehow he wanted Orihime. I could see it. He never said it blatantly but the way he looked at Orihime was different.

It had been a year.

Everything changed after a year ago when Ulquiorra made his most biggest mistake ever.

I knew he hadn't planned it to be this way. But if he hadn't done that, maybe things wouldn't be this complicated.

"You know, I tried to get Ichigo and Orihime together." I closed my eyes again. Frowning as I massaged my temples, "That's why I need you around. To teach that punk a lesson."

I heard a snort.

"Why would you try to get them together? They are together."

"Like you don't know what happened."

"And you know?"

"I feel it."

"Feel what?"

I opened my eyes.

This man was quite talk active tonight, "Ichigo and Rukia, there was something between them. And Orihime-chan knows about this."

He said nothing.

"You knew about this, didn't you?" I let out a heavy sighed, "You said that night, something happened amongst them."

"Yeah..."

I looked at the man. He closed his eyes like he was thinking about something. I would never understand him, let alone read his mind. I hoped he didn't have an evil plan brewing in his head. This man was way too dangerous. I had to be careful, the last time he had a plan, that had almost killed Orihime-chan. Ichigo almost killed him for that. In the end, nobody died but I better be careful. My plan to take him here with us was quite risky...

"I know what you're thinking."

He cracked his eyes opened slowly and looked at me with his green orbs.

I licked my lip.

His look is intimidating.

"Oh yeah?"

He still looked at me.

I gulped.

"I would not hurt Orihime."

I looked at him.

He looked into my eyes.

"But you did."

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I never planned it."

No one said anything after that. We stayed silent until then one by one we left the Onsen.

I thought about what Ulquiorra just said.

He never planned to hurt Orihime. I knew it, of course. But in the end, he did hurt her. Well, Aizen did, but if he did not bring her to that man, she would not get hurt.

Aizen.

I hated to admit it, but every time I heard his name somehow I felt nervous. That man was just way too scary. He was just too dangerous. He might not look like a villain or bad guy at all, but he was just more dangerous than any villain. And he wanted Orihime.

_"She is mine."_

_If only Ichigo could say something, I knew he would shout something like 'NO FUCKING WAY! SHE IS MINE!' But he could not say anything as he lay on the floor, bleeding. He looked at the man with anger in his brown eyes._

_"Please..." She begged, "Please... Don't hurt Ichigo..."_

That man was sick. I still remember the look he wore when Orihime begged him not to hurt Ichigo. She begged him for not hurting us. To let us go. It was such a shame, but I was not that strong back then, I could not do anything to save her.

He let us go, but he took her with him.

_"It all had been planned."_

_Orihime eyes were widened._

_"Since the beginning. Do you think that he met you by chance?"_

_The dark haired man just stood there. He avoided her eyes._

_"He did everything according to my word."_

_She had tears on her eyes._

_"It had been planned..."_

Suddenly, I was not sure anymore whether my plan to bring Ulquiorra with us in this holiday was a good plan.

------------------chapter 9—Renji— "Plans" : end-------------------

**Author's Note:**

This chapter is kind of short... But it is a important chapter (or so I thought)

I am kind of busy now, and sorry for taking time to update, I hope you're still there to read my fic :D

XO

Recchinon


	11. Chapter 10 : Tears

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**BETA'D**

**Chapter 10 —Orihime— **

"**Tears"**

I closed my eyes, trying to let the heat of the water to help me clear my mind. I sighed and rested my back on the stone behind me. At this hour no one used the Onsen except me. Rukia and Tatsuki had gone back to our room fifteen minutes ago, leaving me here alone. Actually I told them to leave me here. I said I still wanted to enjoy the hot water but honestly, I just wanted to be alone.

Slowly, I tilted my head and opened my eyes.

The night sky was so beautiful tonight. It was clear and I could see the stars and moon. There were so many stars, I couldn't see this many when I was still in the town. I had to admit that actually Renji's idea to go to the mountain was a really nice idea.

If only he did not bring Ulquiorra with him.

I bit my lower lip and use the back of my hand to cover my eyes. It had been almost a year.

Yes, it had not been even a year, but it felt like a century since the last time I saw him. It had been so long since the last time I could talk with him. Today, when suddenly I saw him with Renji, I lost my words. Suddenly my head went blank and I couldn't think anything. This was getting more complicated.

When I felt the tangy taste finally realized that I had bitten my lower lip too hard that it was bleeding. I licked my lip groggily. This was so wrong.

My relationship with Ichigo was not right at this moment. There was something happening between Ichigo and Rukia, I could feel it. They had been really awkward lately, more than ever. I knew something happened. Lately Ichigo acted different in front of me, he was hiding something. He was acting extra nice to me and I don't know why.

I let out another heavy sigh.

I pressed both of my palms onto my face to help myself not to cry.

It had been my fault. If only I had not been selfish and let Ichigo be with Rukia. If only I had strength to accept the truth. I was too selfish and too childish. Poor Ichigo, poor Rukia… I had been so cruel. I knew they loved each other and still I did not let them to be together.

I had made a big mistake.

I felt my eyes burn as the tears started running down my cheeks.

I was crying, again. Though I had promised to myself to be stronger and stop crying, in the end I was still the same weak, stupid and childish me. I should have known that everyone would not like someone weak and annoying like me, everyone would prefer someone strong and cheerful like Rukia.

I had made a mistake.

I had ruined Rukia's happiness.

She was one of my few best friends and still I hurt her.

What kind of friend was I?

There was one time, I still remembered clearly that day, when I was sleeping over at Rukia's place. Her family treated me really nice; her brother was also being so nice to me. That day, seeing how close Rukia was with her brother, for the first time since I knew her I felt a pang of jealousy inside my heart.

That was the day when for the first time I felt this disgusting feeling of jealousy toward my best friend.

'_How lucky Rukia is. She has a really nice brother who loves her so much. Someone who she could call as 'big brother'…'_

I did not blame her of course; it was not her fault that my brother died.

But still, I thought that it was unfair.

I never told anyone about this feeling, but at the time I still felt that life was too unfair. Rukia had everything that I did not have. She had many friends, she had a strong body, she had a big brother who loved her so much, and she had practically everything that I wanted.

At the time, only Ichigo that could make me feel better.

The tears would not stop even thought I had closed my eyes.

If only I knew, in the end, I would also have to lose Ichigo.

Rukia had everything that I wanted.

Life was unfair.

I opened my eyes once again and looked at the starry summer night sky. With the eyes that were still filled by tears I could see the stars twinkling beautifully. My brother taught me once, to stop the tears I had to tilt my head and look at the sky. Usually it helped me. To see the beautiful sky usually could help me to stop crying but this time somehow it did not work.

'_Is there someone you love?'_

Once, a long time ago, I popped out a question to Ulquiorra. At the time we were sitting under the tree behind the sport centre building. He was accompanying me to wait for Ichigo until he finished his daily sport club activity. I did not know why I was asking him that question.

Maybe, I was wondering why he never had a girlfriend though I knew that Ulquiorra was quite popular among some girls. I knew some of my classmates that had a crush to him. I always thought that he was cool, that was why I didn't understand why he didn't date anyone.

'_Why do you suddenly ask me that?'_

_As usual it was impossible to read his expression so I smiled and tilted my head to the left side, 'I just want to know because it seems like you do not have any interest for girls.'_

_Ulquiorra looked into my eyes using his green orbs, he was thinking for the answer and I was patiently waiting for his answer. I knew him. I knew Ulquiorra would not lie to me. That was why his next answer surprised me._

'_Yes, I have someone I love right now.'_

'_Seriously?' _

_He nodded._

'_Then does she know you love her? Have you told her?'_

_He shook his head, 'No, she has a boyfriend…'_

'_Aw,' I frowned, his face did not show me any emotion but I knew that it must be hard for him. I patted his shoulder, 'Don't be sad… There must be other girl for you…'_

_He looked at me and somehow I thought he was about to smile but instead he patted my head gently, 'Don't worry… Sometimes to love someone means that we have to be able to let them go if that was for their good…"_

To let someone we loved go.

I still remembered Ulquiorra when he said it to me.

Maybe he was right.

Ah, no, I knew he must be right.

I should not be egoist.

If I loved Ichigo I had to let him to be with the one he truly loved.

I wiped my tears and forced a smile. It was the right time for me to be stronger and do the right thing. I loved Ichigo and Rukia, and they loved each other. They had been so nice to me and I had been so mean to them. Maybe it was not too late to do the right thing. Maybe I still could make everything right again.

My mouth formed a smile.

But somehow the tears would not stop.

Suddenly I felt so dizzy.

'_..Sometime to love someone means that we have to be able to let them go.."_

Ulquiorra was right.

I wiped my tears but everything was still blur and faded away.

I heard someone called my name from a far.

Before everything faded away, I heard the voice again. I knew the voice but I was too dizzy to recognize whose voice was that.

And everything turned into white.

**-chapter 10—Orihime— "Tears" : end-**

Author's Note:

Crappy and short chapter but at least an update from me.

I am so busy lately I am so sorry.

I cannot promise any new chapter soon but I will do my best. Thank you for the reviews and everything. See you next chapter.

XO.

Recchinon


	12. Chapter 11 : Choices

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**BETA'D**

**Chapter 11 —Rukia— **

"**Choices"**

He had been sitting there for three hours now and he still hadn't said anything to me. Maybe he did not even know that I was actually sitting there right next to him. His amber eyes never left her sleeping face. Maybe he knew I was there but he just didn't care. All that he cared for now was the unconscious girl in front of him.

He was scowling like usual; he did not try to hide the fact that he was worrying about the girl's condition. I knew she would be alright, I knew he also knew it. I knew that it might sound as if I hated her but sometimes I thought Orihime was getting too much attention from everyone. From him.

I did not like it.

I sighed. I could not believe I could feel this way to her, Orihime was my best friend, for God's sake. I should have been worry about her health. Orihime's body had been really weak since born and something bad could happen to her anytime. Ichigo was her boyfriend, it was normal for him to worry about her. I should not feel like this. I should not get jealous. I had no right to get jealous.

I saw it. His hand held her hand and he had not let it go for hours. I saw his thumb caress the back of her hand lovingly. I should have known without him telling me, between me and her, he had chosen her. I should have known and stopped wishing that he would someday choose me over her. It was crystal clear that he had chosen her.

I feared that I would cry if I stayed there for too long. The last thing I needed for now was Ichigo seeing me cry. I stood up silently and left the room without even bothering to tell Ichigo. It did not matter, he would not care. I slid the rice paper door opened and walked out of the room. I frowned when I saw Renji stood outside the room. He crossed his hands on his chest and leaned to the wall.

How long had he been standing there?

When he saw me he smirked.

"Wanna go take a walk?"

_I was going back to the room I shared with Tatsuki and Orihime that night. After finished my bath I went to the fridge for some cold milk. It had been a habit of mine to drink milk after taking a bath. I used to do it because my brother would always be telling me that milk could make me grow taller. After later I found out that I could not get anymore taller but I still loved to drink milk after bath. Cold milk after the hot bath is the best._

_Actually I was expecting Tatsuki and Orihime in the room. But I saw no one. I knew that Tatsuki left the onsen before me so she probably was taking a walk at the time. I was worried about Orihime though. She looked kind of surprised when she saw Ulquiorra earlier and she had not left the onsen when I left. _

_It had been an hour or so. _

_I decided to check on her. She should not stay too long in the hot bath. I walked in a hurried pace to the women onsen, hoping that Orihime was okay._

_I sighed when I saw no one in the changing room. I saw Orihime's clothes so I knew she was still in the onsen. Somehow, I got a bad feeling about all of this. _

"_Orihime!" I called her name. _

"Is she okay?"

I nodded.

Me and Renji sat on the bench in the Inn backyard. Actually it was awkward for me to sit side by side with him like this. Sure, we had been close friend for years now and we called each other names whole the time. We were almost always fighting every time. That was why, when he was acting nice to me like this, it became awkward.

"Don't worry." He said while gave me a friendly pat on my back, "She'll be fine. You found her before she drowned herself…" he tsk-d, "She shouldn't stay that long in the onsen."

I smiled bitterly, "It wasn't her fault." I glared at the red haired man beside me, "She was stressed you know! How could you bring that man along with you? I didn't know you were this stupid!"

Renji raised an eyebrow, "Who? Ulquiorra?" he laughed, "Oh c'mon… We know he would not harm her!"

I looked at him angrily.

"Okay… He hurt her once." He sighed, "But he had changed you know… He missed Orihime, and you know that Orihime had forgiven him since long time ago…"

I let out a heavy sigh. I tilted my head to see the clear summer sky. There were so many stars tonight in the sky but I was not that interested, I was just avoiding Renji's eyes.

"You know, Ulquiorra loves Hime."

That was not a question, Renji knew that.

"Hime has Ichigo." Said Renji, he sounded tired. When I looked at him, he was looking at the sky too. I diverted my gaze before he realized it, "She chose Ichigo. She would always choose Ichigo."

I did not say anything; I knew where this conversation would lead to.

"You know Ichigo would always choose Orihime too…"

I bit my lip and chewed it. I tried to act like I did not hear what he said. But Renji was not that stupid. He knew me. He had been my friend for years; sure he could read my expression. I knew he had known about my feeling for Ichigo.

"Rukia… You would just hurt yourself…"

I did not know whether he talked about me biting my lip or about my feelings for Ichigo. I did not say anything. I still tilted my head and pretended to watch the sky. I tried to put a straight face but it was not easy because I knew he was looking at me at the moment. I almost cried but I couldn't.

"He chose her because she needed him."

"Rukia…"

"He doesn't want her…"

_He wants me. He told me so. A year ago…_

"Rukia…"

"He just needs sometime… He cannot leave her now… Orihime…" I gulped, I didn't know what I was talking about, "Orihime just needs some time but she would understand… She would understand that she can't force something…"

"Rukia…"

"Stop looking at me like that!"

Renji did not say anything.

I pressed my palm to my face. Damn, it had been so long since the last time I was crying.

"You know that's not true…"

I did not say anything.

"Rukia… Look at me."

When I refused to looked at him, he grabbed my hands and forced me to look into his eyes. He looked at me with a serious look. I knew he cared about me. I knew that he might love me. I just pretended that I didn't know about it. Because I did not want to choose between him and Ichigo. Because it would have been Ichigo.

I sobbed.

"You know that's not true…" He said again.

I looked at him.

"Ichigo… Ichigo might want you… He might want someone like you… Someone strong, cheerful…" he touched my chin gently, "...beautiful."

I held my breath. He was too close I could not breathe.

"But you knew he would always choose Orihime… He might not realize it, but he needs her… Rukia, he never had to choose, you know it…" He said it, finally, something I feared most, "It had always been her."

I bit my lip again.

He used his thumb to stroke my lower lip gently.

"He loves her, Rukia…" he got closer, "Just as much as I love you…"

I closed my eyes automatically when his lips finally captured mine.

Maybe, it was not that hard to choose.

**-chapter 11—Rukia— "Choices" : end-**

Author's Note:

Thanks for all the reviews, it's nice to know that you still want to read this story. This chapter is not too good but I will do my best for the next chapter! :)

XO.

Recchinon


	13. Chapter 12 : Eyes

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Summary:** Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other. **AU. **

**Note:**

_Past/Thought_

Present

**-. This is an AU, so as expected from most AU, yes the character would be OOC. So don't bother to review about the OOCness-**

_Dedicated for "A", _

_if only you know Ichigo in this story has been inspired by you._**  
**

**UNBETA'D**

**Chapter 12 —Ichigo— **

"**Eyes"**

She hadn't opened her eyes yet. I knew that she was okay and that she was just sleeping right now but I could not lie to myself. I worried about her so much. _How if she would never open her eyes anymore? _I knew I shouldn't think something scary like that but I couldn't help it. It had been hours and I desperately wanted to see her eyes.

It was not the first time I was thinking like this. She had been really weak since the first time I met her. A little stress could be really bad for her. There were moments back then in high school when I almost got a terrible heart attack when she fainted during the class or gym. I would never get used with my girlfriend fainted in front of me.

I sighed.

I squeezed her hand gently, I hadn't let go off it at all. I didn't understand why but by touching her small hand and feeling her skin on mine, I felt much better. It could assure me that she would not go leaving me. I just realized how deep is my feeling for her and I was not ready to lose her now. I would never be.

I scowled deeply as I watched her pretty face. She hadn't opened her eyes at all. I knew I might be overreacted but I wouldn't feel relieved until I could look into those grey orbs once more.

_"I love your eyes."_

_We both were lying on the grass that covered by pink petals under the cherry blossom tree that day. That was our first hanami as a lover. She laid on her side next to me who face her with a deep scowl on my face. I was nervous, she was so close to me. I could feel her warm breath on my face that somehow smell like a freshmint of toothpaste. And when suddenly she told me that she loved my eyes I did not know how to react._

_"Eh... why?"_

_She smiled. Ah, she was too beautiful..._

_"Because it reminds me of honey..." she licked her lips as she mention 'honey'._

_"Ah," I lost my words. _

_She did this again to me, a simple statement from her could make me losing my ability to talk. I knew I should say something back. Something to make her happy. I knew she said that without hoping me to say it back, but I felt like I need to tell her. I needed to tell her that I feel the same way about her._

_I love her eyes too._

_"I love your eyes too."_

_She chuckle, "Hehe, Thank you, Ichigo-kun..."_

_I swallowed, "Because... Your eyes are..."_

_Beautiful._

_But I could not say it, it was too cheesy._

_So instead i said, "I love your eyes because... I love it."_

_And she laughed._

I smiled at the memory. I never told her. I never told anyone, in fact I just realized it few moment ago, I loved her eyes not only because they were beautiful and grey. I loved her eyes, because when they looked into mine I would know that she was mine. That she was alive.

I had almost been losing her for so many times.

I thought by stopping loving her, the pain would go away. That if I stopped loving her, it would not felt hurt if I had to lose her. Ever since she knew me, only bad things happened to her. If only I did not love her. If only I loved someone stronger...

_Stupid._

I knew.

My theory about love was too stupid but I had been thinking so much since what had done by Aizen. If only I did not love her, Aizen would not use her as a bait to get me. If only she did not mean a thing for me, she would not get hurt.

So I told my self that it was the best for us if I stopped loving her at all.

It would be much easier if I loved someone like Rukia.

How I wrong about that.

_She was standing there in front of me. I was supposed to take her home after our date that day. The weather were quite cold for an autumn day. She stood there, the girl who I had known more than half of my life. When she looked into my eyes, somehow I had a feeling that she had known about what I was going to tell her. I had a feeling that she knew that soon I would break her heart into pieces. _

_Somehow, I felt so stupid._

Does it really worth it?

_To break her heart... I could not even think about this. I did not want to break her heart but I was too selfish. All the theory I had made up, for a second seemed so stupid. But I could not step back. I have been deciding. I knew it would break her heart but I had to do it._

_I opened my mouth slowly._

_I hated to admit it but I was trembling.  
_

_"I…"_

_She still looked into my eyes.  
_

_"Have someone else on my mind…"_

_I said it._

_Just like that and I knew I had broken her heart right at that time. I knew she might hate me after this. I even hated my self for this. As soon as I said those words, somehow I wished I could take it back. The way she looked at me, those eyes telling me that she had been ready for this and that, somehow, hurt more than seeing her tears.  
_

_"We can't be together anymore…"_

_I said that in a whisper. Honestly, I said that more to myself than to her.  
_

_She did not say anything._

_She did not cry._

_I didn't know what I had expected for her reaction after I said that. I did not like her tears, but at this moment, tears were much better than this silence. She still looked into my eyes. Those eyes, no hatred there as what I had been expecting. There was nothing there. I couldn't see anything.  
_

_"No…" _

_She whispered._

_I narrowed my eyes, tried to find something in her eyes._

_Something like anger._

_Something like hatred._

_I found nothing.  
_

_"…Orihime?" _

_Then, she said something that change everything.  
_

_"If I had to lose you, I'd be better off dead, Ichigo…"_

I closed my eyes and pressed my free hand onto my face. I knew she was serious when she said that she'd better off dead if I left her. Right that second, I started to realize no matter how hard I tried to stop loving her, it wouldn't change the fact I would broken if she really had to die.

I opened my eyes to watch her face again.

I knew this was weird but I was kind of thankful for what had she done that day.

If only she did not say that.

If only she did not do that.

If only she just accepted it and let me go.

I would really lose her.

And I could not imagine how my life would be without her.

Maybe, deep inside myself, when I said those words to her I expected her to do that. To say those things that would make me stay.

I smiled bitterly. I was really an idiot.

_"You know, Ichigo, you're such a lucky bastard," _

_It was Rukia who said that. I was walking her home that night. I looked into her violet eyes. Rukia was a beautiful girl, I had to admit it. She maybe all too violent for a girl, but she was strong. She would not get hurt easily. If only I was loving someone more like herself._

_"…having such a lovely girlfriend like Orihime…"_

_I let out a sigh, I did not really want to talk about it right now._

_But she was right about it._

_"I know…"_

_"She is beautiful and really kind."_

_She was right again_.

_"I know."_

_"She loves you."_

_Everybody knew it.  
_

_"I know."_

_"I love you too."_

_I knew it. In fact, that was the reason why I had decided to stop loving Orihime and tried to love her. Because I knew she had a feeling for me. I knew it was really cruel. But I was a selfish bastard who cared about his own feeling only.  
_

_"I know."_

_And we stopped walking. It happened too fast. Before I realized what happened, I could feel Rukia's lips on mine. _

I wiped my lips with the back of my hand. That was wrong. I shouldn't let her kissed me.

That kiss did not mean anything to me, I even forgot about it as soon as I heard something about Orihime. I knew there was nothing special about that kiss, but I couldn't help but to feel bad.

I frowned.

I didn't know why I did it, but suddenly I already lowered my body to her. I still held her hand with one hand but when slowly I kissed her lip gently. It was just a simple kiss that only happened less than three seconds. But I could feel something clenching on my stomach.

She still had that effect to me.

No, she always had that effect.

When I pulled away slowly, a pair of eyes slowly opened and the beautiful grey orbs looked into mines.

**-chapter 12—Ichigo— "Eyes" : end-**

Author's Note:

Again thanks for review, havent replied all but later when I got some time I will try to reply you all ^^.

XO.

Recchinon


	14. Chapter 13 : Rain

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**UNBETA'D**

This one's for You

**Chapter 13 —Ulquiorra— **

"**Rain"**

"Ah it's raining."

I tilted my head. She was right. I didn't realize it. Rain in the mid summer's midnight?

"Maybe we should go back?"

I kept walking, hands deep in my pockets and expressionless face. She walked beside me, following me with a little "huff". I didn't understand why she bothered to follow me. I barely even knew her. We never talked before this.

"Where are you going?" she said in an annoyed tone. She crossed her hands on her chest.

"Shouldn't you stay there?"

"Huh?"

"She is your best friend right?"

"Ah, it's ok. I think it's better to leave them alone. I give a chance to that idiot Ichigo to fix everything."

_Fix everything. _I almost smiled at that, this girl didn't understand. There were things in this world that meant to be broken and couldn't be fixed. I didn't say anything. I just kept walking deeper into the forest. The girl with short black hair walked beside me. It wasn't hard for her to walk in the same pace with me, not like I walked really fast.

I knew this girl was Orihime's best friend. I never really talked with her but Orihime talked about her most of the time. I didn't say anything but I listened to her stories about her and remembered it. I remembered every little thing she said to me. Not that I didn't want to forget it, or that I tried to remember about it, I just simply couldn't get it off my mind.

"Don't worry she'll be okay."

I narrowed my eyes but I didn't look at her. I didn't need to answer that.

She didn't seem to be intimidated by my silence and kept talking.

"I know you like her."

It's love.

But I didn't correct her.

"I saw you."

I looked at her.

The girl put a straight face. She didn't look at me. I waited until she continued.

"You were watching her." She said it calmly, "You followed her, what are you actually, stalker?"

She didn't sound angry. She was surprisingly calm.

I ran my fingers through my wet hair.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

She snickered.

"Yeah sure."

This girl didn't like me. I knew it. Since the beginning she didn't like it that Orihime talked to me. I knew he told Orihime to stay away from me. She was right. If I were her, I wouldn't want my best friend getting closed with someone like me either. If only Orihime had listened to her.

I closed my eyes. The rain was not that hard but I was soaked already.

Orihime loved rain.

"_You will get sick, woman."_

"_I won't." she lied and laughed, she opened her hands and tilted her head. "I love to feel the rain on my skin." She giggled._

_I never used the word 'cute' before. But she was cute. I didn't even know the definition of cute but indeed she was cute. Even I knew that._

_I knew her body was weak. I knew she could catch a cold, and most probably she would catch a cold after this. I was worried about her, but somehow I couldn't stop her. Watching her laughed happily like that, I was stunned._

_I would let her to play under the rain but at least I didn't want her to catch a cold. I was about to take off my jacket and give it to her when he came and pulled her to him. I was just standing there, watching._

"_What are you doing, Hime! You could get sick!"_

'_Hime', I want to call her like that too._

_She tilted her face and giggled, "Ah, Ichi… You want to join me too?"_

"_Idiot." He scowled deeper and put his palm on her forehead, he sighed when he felt the heat "Let's go home."_

"_But…"_

_Her words were cut when he took of his leather coat and put it on her, "Let's go home."_

_She blushed prettily._

_If I gave her my jacket would she show me that expression?_

_I should have known this was impossible, but still I couldn't help myself._

_I fell in love._

"Oi are you listening?"

I didn't.

I looked at the girl who walked beside me from the corner of my eyes, for a moment I was drawn back to the past. I didn't realize that she was here with me. It seemed like she was saying something but I didn't hear it. I didn't say anything. I knew she would repeat it, whatever she had been saying before.

I heard a sighed.

"You love Orihime."

I could hear that one but I didn't answer it. I didn't need to answer. I knew she didn't really need the answer either. That wasn't a question.

I turned around and shoved my hands deeper into my pockets. I walked back to the inn.

She didn't follow me.

…

It was rainy just like tonight.

I still remember what happened that night. I tried to forget but I couldn't.

…

"_Do you fall in love?"_

_I didn't answer._

_I looked at the man in front of me. His face showed me that he wasn't scared at all. He smiled. I didn't really think about it but people usually wouldn't smile in the situation like this, right?_

_He laughed._

_He laughed at me. He laughed at me and my feeling._

_I hated this man._

_Suddenly I hated this man. I really hated him._

"_Why? You look so angry…" he smirked. He leaned on the wall behind him. He crossed his blood covered hands in front of his chest. The color of the blood smeared on his white coat. There was blood on his face too. Unfortunately that was not his blood. "You know since the beginning that it would be like this, right? Why are you angry?"_

_I gritted my teeth. I never showed my emotion but this time I was really angry._

"_You love her."_

_I didn't answer. I tried my best to keep my eyes away from the bodies on the floor. Her body. _

"_You fall in love with her."_

"_Shut up."_

_He laughed, "You are crazy about her." He was so calm, this man was not human, "You want her. You want her all for yourself, admit it."_

"_I SAID SHUT UP, AIZEN!" I shouted._

_I surprised myself that I sounded more like that orange head now._

_Maybe, it was because we loved the same woman._

_Maybe, it was because we wanted to protect the same woman._

"_Ah, it is Aizen now, not Aizen-sama anymore?"_

_I felt my hand was shaking. I was really angry but at the same time I was scared. _

_I didn't know why._

_I was scared._

"_What are you waiting?"_

_I steadied myself._

"_Just pull the trigger." _

"_SHUT UP!"_

_I would kill him._

_I would kill him._

_I would kill him._

"_Why? You hate me right? You hate me because I hurt her right?"_

_I clenched my jaw._

"_You promised me you won't harm her."_

_He laughed._

"_You promised me you needed her and won't hurt her."_

_He shook his head, this bastard, "Talk about promise…" He looked at me, no fear in his eyes, "You promised me you won't fall in love."_

_I wanted to say I didn't love her._

_But I couldn't even deny it._

"_I do need her." He said calmly, "I need her for my plan, to trap Kurosaki."_

_I almost pull the trigger but I tried to hold myself._

_No._

_Not yet._

"_I do want her. But I lost my interest." He said again, I knew he tried to provoke me, "Because I didn't want to lust the same woman with you."_

_He tried to provoke me._

"_So, what makes you fall for her? Her… body?"_

_He tried to provoke me._

_And I was provoked._

_A loud bang could be heard when I finally pulled the trigger. _

…_._

That night the rain was falling like tonight.

**-chapter 13—Ulquiorra— "Rain" : end-**

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading this fic. I am happy that people actually like this fic. I need to improve myself to not disappoint the readers, yooossshhhh I would do my best! By the way if you have facebook and want to talk with me, feel free to add mine with user name Reshika Balthier or http(:)/www(.)facebook(.)com/recchinon or follow my twitter reesika

Lately, I got PMs from readers, they asked whether I abandon my other fics or not. The answer is nope, I don't abandon them, I will update when I feel like it.

XOXO

Recchinon.


	15. Chapter 14 : Kisses

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**UNBETA'D**

This one's for my friends

**Chapter 14 —Orihime—**

**"Kisses"**

My first kiss was when I was four years old. No, it wasn't with Ichigo. My first kiss had been my older brother, Sora. I didn't exactly remember how it was like. I always knew that my brother loved me so much. He'd kiss me every night before I slept. I vaguely remember the kisses but I knew those kisses were different. Those kisses were brotherly kisses, no lust or passion. just a pure platonic love from a brother to his sister. He'd stopped kissing me when I was six years I asked why he stopped kissing me he'd said, "That's not my job anymore,it's your prince's job..." He'd rubbed my head and laughed, later i knew he said that because he'd known about my crush for Ichigo. My brother'd never been really friendly to Ichigo but I knew he liked Ichigo. His last words to Ichigo... I never knew what had he said but I knew he made Ichigo promise something to him.

My real first kiss was when I was twelve years old. This time I did it with Ichigo. It was his first kiss too, he told me that later. That was a simple kiss, just a light peck on my lips and happened for less than two seconds. It wasn't much different than the way Sora'd kissed me. But somehow I felt this weird feeling I never felt before when Sora kissed me. He kissed me in front of everyone, we were playing bride and groom that day and when Tatsuki told him to kiss the bride I never expected him to really kiss me. the other kids were teasing us for two weeks and only stopped when he throw a table at them with a really red face. That day I couldn't sleep at all. I stay away whole night, touching my lips thinking, 'So this is how a prince's kiss feel like...'

We hadn't kissed anymore after that day until the day he finally officially asked me out few years later. We kissed many times since then but I finally got my first real kiss when I was seventeen, and when he kissed me like that I wondered why he'd never kissed me like that before. I felt something weird when he kissed me like that. I liked it. I knew he liked it too. But amongst all of those kisses I'd never expected this one.

When I slowly opened my eyes the first thing I saw was a pair of familiar brown eyes. He was so close to me that I could feel his warm breath on my face. I knew I wasn't dreaming. Somehow I just knew it.

It was real.

He kissed me.

I blinked my eyes rapidly to clear my thought.I didn't understand this. Why would Ichigo kissed me? Didn't he love Rukia? I didn't understand. I looked into his brown eyes, trying to find some answer. Why did he look like he was ready to cry? Why was he here?

Wait...

What had happened to me?

I frowned. Too many questions in my head.

He really kissed me.

I couldn't think anything right when suddenly he pulled my body into a tight hug. I tried to think but I failed. His manly scent made it hard for me to think. I could hear he whispered my name. His lips were too close to my ears, his hot breath made it even harder for me to remember my name. Maybe he was crying but I didn't understand.

Ah, I remembered it now.

I fainted.

I remembered that I'd fainted in the onsen. Somehow I could hear someone called my name before I lost my consciousness, who was that? Rukia? It must be her who brought me back to this room, but where was she now? I needed to thank her for that. I wondered, why was Ichigo here? Why was he... crying? Was he really crying? I mean, it wasn't the first time for him to see me fainted. Besides, why would he cry for someone like me? He supposed to hate me... I was the reason why he couldn't be with the one he loved right now...

I should make it right.

I sighed, first thing first.

"I'm alright, Ichigo-kun..." I closed my eyes and patted his back.

Honestly, I still felt really weak that I couldn't even fake a smile for him but since he couldn't see my face at the moment I think it's useless to fake a smile. Besides he would know if I fake it. I knew he worried about me and I didn't want to make him to worry about me. I feltunworthy, he shouldn't worry someone like me.

He pulled away a little to look at my face, "How do you feel?"

"Dizzy," I said truthfully with a low voice, no need to pretend to be cheerful since no one was here and Ichigo would know it if I pretended. Besides both of us knew very well about our relationship's crisis and I didn't want to pretend the other way. However I couldn't help not to blush when my stomach growled. I knew he could hear that very well, "...and hungry."

Ichigo chuckled, "I'll go getting our dinner. The Okami told me to let them know whenever you wake up, they already prepare the dinner for you. Maybe I'd go see them to heat the food for you." He said in a tender voice which was even much more tender than usual. I knew there was something in his mind but I chose not to ask him anything and let him to stand up and left me alone.

After Ichigo left the room I let myself fell back onto the futon.

That was hard. To be alone with him somehow wasn't easy. I had told myself that it was just about time to let him go. To set him free. What I needed is just to tell him that it was okay for me now if he wanted to be with Rukia. I just needed to tell him that but I wasn't ready yet. Precisely, I didn't know how to tell him that without crying.

I'm such a baby.

Always cry and cry.

I closed my eyes and immediately I felt something hot. I was going to cry. Oh how I hate myself. I was too weak. And my weakness had put that sorrowful look into his eyes.

I put my somehow cold palm on my closed eyes.

Ichigo kissed me.

I used my other hand to touch my lips. Yup, he really kissed me. But why?

It had been a year since he wanted to break up with me. It had been a year and never once since then we talked about that day. he always treated me nice since that day, but he never kissed me. It had been so long and suddenly he kissed me just now. Why?

He didn't love me. I heard him told Rukia he didn't love me.

Now that I think about it, he hadn't kissed me at all since that day with Azen. It'd been two years then. He hadn't touched me for two years. Had he stopped loving me since that day? Was that the real reason why he'd chose Rukia over me? Because of what I had done two years ago? Today when I saw the way he looked at Ulquiorra I knew that he hadn'tforgiven him for everything happened two years ago.

Maybe he hadn't forgiven me as well.

I know he had every right to hate me.

I was so weak and only I hadn't let Aizen to use me, Ichigo wouldn't have to be 'that thing he hated most'. If only I could protect myself better.

Ichigo must hate me.

But it still didn't explain why he'd kissed me just now.

I heard someone slid the door open.

"You okay?"

That wasn't Ichigo's voice.

I opened my eyes even though I'd known who was that. A pair of green eyes looked into mine.

I nodded and let him to sit next to my futon without saying anything.I frowned when I realized he was soaked.

"You're wet."

"I didn't use umbrella."

"You'll get sick."

"I won't"

I bit my lip. He was looking back at me. His dark hair was wet and it made it looked longer than it actually was. His pale face was paler than usual. I wonder if he was as cold as he looked like. I couldn't help myself, when I realized it my hand already reached out to touch him. I touched his face with the tip of my finger. He looked a little surprised but he didn't say anything and let me touched him.

"You're cold."

He didn't say anything.

He used his hand to grab my hand. Even his hand was cold.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't understand why did he apologize to me.

Before I could say anything suddenly I felt something cold on my lips.

-TBC-

**Author's Note.**

Do you feel the same way with me? Lately I kinda scared to read any new Ichihime fanfiction since lately some IchiRuki's fans have been really tricky and post some fics under IchiHime tag. I have to read the review first before I read the fics. I never hate RUkia but I can't stand reading IchiRUki's fic. That's why I'm so scared lately whenever new fic is coming.

By the way, I have new IchiHime fic called "Love Story", I have decided to make it a multichapter fic. Whoever want to be my BETA for that fic,let me know. :) I would finish its second chapter soon. So let me know if you are interested.

Ah one more thing, I'd just joined FLOL this IchiHime's lover community. If you're one of the members I hope we can be friend there if you aren't a member yet, why not join?

Recchinon.


	16. Chapter 15 : Revelation

**Disclaimer:**

Standard Applied

**Chapter 15—Rukia—**

"**Revelations"**

Our cheeks were red for two different reasons that night. My cheeks reddened after what had he done to me, that idiot… He should stop doing something idiot like that… like… kissing me. Damn, it was too embarrassing to remember that kiss. His red cheek was not from blushing. I slapped him hard after what had he done and it left a red hand print on his left cheek. But apparently my slap wasn't hard enough to wipe that smug grin off his face. Stupid, oh why he looked that happy?

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like that!"

"Like what?"

I growled and he looked amused by my reaction. Idiot. Oh why had I let an idiot like him kiss me? I glared at him but he just grinned at me._ How confident._ I spat. The look in his stupid face really made me wanted to slap him again—harder this time. But I knew even though I slapped him again it'd do me no good so I tried so hard to control myself and believe me it wasn't easy.

_Damn Renji._

The way he looked at me made me self-conscious and I hated it. I knew he realized it how I became uncomfortable under his gaze. I knew he realized that I couldn't at his face right now but he kept gazing at me. I could tell, it entertained him.

I tried to say something. I needed to clear it up. I knew from his look, he had a wrong idea. I knew it, exactly, what he was thinking. I didn't like it.

"Renji idiot! Y-you get it wrong!" I coughed to cover my trembling voice. It wasn't easy to talk like this when I was still slightly embarrassed from the kiss, "You know—you know I love Ichigo…"

He laughed at this statement and gave me a funny look, he looked at me for few seconds before opened his mouth to say, "Ichigo loves Orihime. We know that. We ALL know that."

I didn't bother to debate that, this idiot could be really smart at some times. Better not to debate him. However I needed to make him understand my point, "That's not the problem, idiot! It's about my feeling!" _yeah, it's all about my feeling, _"I love him!" I hissed, we stood in the corridor not too far from our room. I didn't want to shout, the last thing I wanted was to let everyone heard us. Though it was really hard to control it.

He smirked.

I clenched my fists angrily, "I love Ichigo, and that's final!"

"How do you know?"

"Eh?"

Renji's smug smile faded away as he looked at me seriously, "How do you know that your feeling for him couldn't fade away?" He walked closed to me while I stepped back slowly, still looked into his eyes. I gulped. He wouldn't look away.

"What makes you think it's impossible for you to fall for me?"

_What?_

I found it was hard to talk or even to think when he kept cornering me to the wall. His tall figure was towering me. I had never felt as intimidated as what I felt now. I couldn't think clearly. He was too close.

"I… I just know it."

I tried to look away but I couldn't.

"You kissed me back, Rukia…"

I tried to be as though as usual. But he knew he had that effect to me. _Damn it._

He chuckled.

I gulped.

"You kissed me back."

Before I realized what'd happened, he'd pinned me to the wooden wall. He looked into my eyes with such an expression he'd never worn before. I knew it, he wasn't playing around, he was dead serious. Those eyes made me hard to breathe. He never showed me this side of him before. This wasn't good.

"Renji…"

He was too close, I swore he could hear my heartbeat at this distance. When he was getting even closer than needed I could see every pore on his face, not that they were that visible anyway. I just realized it now, his skin was actually really pretty.

I held my breath.

He wasn't that bad looking actually. That tattoo on his face was somehow looked good on him. Being this close with him made me had to admit that he actually has a pretty face. I didn't knew what brought me but suddenly my eyes were on his lips. His lips… lips…

Damn it was too close!

"Oi, What are you two doing?"

I was startled, I pushed Renji's face away from mine with both of my hand. Renji growled, still didn't want to get away from me. He kept his hands on the wall, trapping me. I cursed under my breath when I saw a bright orange.

_Oh shit._

Ichigo stood not too far from us with his hands folded on his chest.

"Damn it, Berry, give us some privacy will ya!" Renji groaned. I was about to slap Renji's face if only I didn't see that smirk on Ichigo's face.

"Privacy?" He chuckled, "Idiot. If you want some privacy then get a room."

"It's not like what you think!" Finally after struggling I could get away from the red head stupid monkey. I knew I didn't have to explain anything to Ichigo. Not that he'd made it clear before we came here that there was nothing between us. That….

…_it was over._

How could it be over when it had never started?

I sighed, still desperately found a right excuse—though I knew it didn't matter to him.

"I just… we just…"

"I kissed her."

Ichigo just raised a brow.

I really wanted to smack Renji. I'd kill him. Why would he say that? But what happened next was nothing I'd expected from Ichigo. He smiled. Not a smirk, not a grin. A smile.

Ichigo Kurosaki smiled.

I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't say anything. This was not what I expected, not at all. Renji kissed me and Ichigo smiled at it. He didn't even look surprised. I didn't understand. If someone asked how my feeling was at the moment I would be troubled to answer because I didn't know what to feel. I was just too confused.

I saw Ichigo walked closed to us, hands in his pockets. When he stopped in front of me he was still smiling. I looked into his honey eyes. There were something those eyes trying to say to me but I didn't understand it. Without saying anything, he walked passing me.

I turned around to see both tall men were standing face to face. They looked at each other face. I wait for any of them to say anything. Just anything. But it seemed like they were exchanging word through their eyes. I didn't get it.

Ichigo punched Renji's shoulder playfully as he walked away. I was sure he said something to Renji as he walked but I couldn't hear what he'd said. I could see Renji smile.

What was this actually? I blinked few times to think back what had just happened but still I understood nothing.

I ran after Ichigo.

To my surprise, Renji didn't stop me. I ran after Ichigo who'd turned at a corner. I need and explanation. I didn't understand. What he had said last night, and tonight, I didn't get it. I just didn't understand.

Why?

His reaction?

Was he really serious with what he said last night? Was his action just now a proof of what he'd said last night?

"Ichigo!"

Finally I managed to catch up with him.

"Yeah?"

He kept walking.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

I swallowed, "I let Renji kiss me."

He sighed but didn't stop, "It wasn't your fault and I am not angry, Rukia…"

"B… But…"

Finally he stopped. I heard he sighed once again before he turned to face me, "Renji loves you, Rukia…"

I couldn't say anything.

"And I never realized it until now." He scowled, "He has always loved you."

I clenched my jaw, didn't know what to say. I didn't get it. Not at all.

"What did you say to me?" I demanded.

He smiled. The same smile like earlier.

"Rukia…"

I knew he wouldn't answer my question.

"Ichigo!"

He shook his head, "You might hate me after this, Rukia…"

"Why?"

"I've done a mistake."

I frowned, "I didn't understand…." My voice faltered, "I… you said you loved me."

He sighed.

"Tell me, Ichigo… Do you love me?"

He didn't say anything.

I gritted my teeth, "It hurts me, don't you know it?"

He looked into my eyes, "I know." I didn't want to see regret in his eyes but I couldn't look away, "I was confused… It was complicated…" he closed his eyes for a moment to concentrate before then opened it slowly, "It was all my fault."

It wasn't easy to control my emotion. I swore it wasn't easy. I was ready to cry. _Not now, _I kept telling myself, _Not in front of him…_ I didn't want to look pathetic in front of him. But I tried too hard.

I didn't like it. The way he looked at me. There was that thing in his eyes. He told me something with his eyes and I was frustrated because I didn't understand it. Or maybe I pretended like I didn't understand it. I am a great pretender.

I didn't want to admit it because it hurt. A lot.

"I love Orihime."

Why did he think that was the right thing to say at this moment? When I was trying so hard not to cry, why did he say it now? When I was trying so hard to fool myself, to think the other way around…

This wasn't fair.

Not at all.

"You said you don't love her," My voice was stern, it was too much for me. Even I could feel hurt too, you know, "You said you love me."

"I was afraid, Rukia…" finally he admitted it, "I was afraid, I love her too much and it hurts. It hurts to see her hurt because of me. I only put her in danger. I only hurt her with my feeling. I am not good for her…" he meant it. Every word he said, I just knew it, he meant it, "I thought, if only I loved someone like you… You are strong, you can protect yourself. I…" he spat, "There's a monster inside me."

A monster…

I knew it.

"I need to stop loving her. If I love you, maybe if I tell myself to love you, I'll stop loving her. If I love you, maybe he'll stop loving me…" it hurt. It hurt me to hear those words, but I knew it hurt him too. I couldn't say anything, "I have to stop loving her. Because every time I'm with her, it's really hard to control this monster… This monster, the other side of me, it wants Orihime. I cannot let it hurt her."

Ichigo closed his eyes when he opened his eyes there was a gleam in his eyes.

"I couldn't protect her from Aizen. At least I have to protect her from myself. That's why I told myself that I don't love her, I shouldn't love her. I knew you have a feeling for me, that's why… I thought it'll work…"

I had to say something.

"But I was wrong."

_This is too much._

There was a part of me that regretted why I asked him the question but some other part felt… _relief?_

"In the end I only hurt everyone."

Again, Ichigo gave me that look.

"I hurt her, I hurt Renji… I hurt you."

I closed my eyes. I tried to fight back the tears. The tears won, I lost. I cried.

I should have known.

No, I'd known.

"It's not all your fault, Ichigo…"

Finally I found back my voice.

"That day you told me you love me, I know that you were lying." I didn't bother to wipe my tears, "The reasons why I rejected you wasn't because I felt sorry for Orihime. I…" I swallowed, "I didn't care about her feeling. I rejected you because I was—just like you—scared. I knew you were lying. I knew you didn't know about your own feeling. I knew you were confused."

He didn't say anything.

I couldn't read his expression.

_Is he angry?_

I had no choice so I continued, "I… I know you were confused, that was shy later I thought, I could make you really love me… I thought, I could steal you, your feeling, from her. I used you…"

Those words taste bitter on my tongue. I couldn't even mention her name.

"It's okay Rukia… I understand."

I shook my head, "No, Ichigo… you didn't understand…"

He didn't say anything anymore, only looked into my eyes still with the same look he gave me earlier. Finally, I understand what he was trying to say:

"_I'm sorry…"_

**Chapter 15—Rukia—"Revelation" : end **

Author's Note:

Hey, I hope you like this chapter. I have done my best to write this part that's why I hope at least you try to enjoy this chapter.

For this chapter, originally I have two other title I want to use, "Truth" or "Confession" but I think I might save those tittle for further chapter so… I chose this title.

Honestly, since I write this story from many POVs, I find out that it is really hard for me to write from Rukia's POV, I don't know but though I don't hate her, I just couldn't understand her. It's funny because my friends kept saying that my character is very much Rukia-ish. My friends said I look and act like Rukia which actually disappoint me because I never really like her character… And by the way me and my brother, iLoveFlamarrrsss will have a cosplay photoshoot next month, sadly it will be IchiRuki photoshoot since we have no Orihime… We have Ishida, Chad, and Tatsuki but no Orihime. I will be Rukia and my brother will be Ichigo :) I will upload the photos on my facebook as usual. ^^ (ps. Thanks for you who added my facebook)


	17. Chapter 16 : Hearts, Truth, and Lies

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**UNBETA'D**

This one's for Kimitaka

**Chapter 16 —Ichigo— **

"**Hearts, Truths, and Lies"**

Orihime's body had been really weak since she was born. She would easily fainted and fell sick and that had always been making her brother worry about her. Not only her brother, she had always made everyone around her worry, and she hated that more that the fact that she was sick itself.

Orihime's heart was also weak.

Sometime it beat so slow and faintly that I couldn't feel it.

It scared me.

Whenever she fainted, whenever she got a heart attack, whenever she got a fever, whenever she looked pale, I'd be scared.

Because she had been really weak she couldn't play like a normal kid, she couldn't join us playing softball or any activity that could make her tired. She would stay on the save side of the field, under the shadow of a big tree, watching us playing from a far. She never said anything but at the time like this I know she felt lonely. Usually I would approach her and sat next to her but she would shoo me away, telling me that she loves seeing me playing.

She would smile while watching us played.

I loved to see her smile whenever I scored for my team. That was the reason why I had always been trying so hard to win every game I played, only to see her smile.

Her smile was my treasure.

She was my treasure.

When I asked her to be my girlfriend that was just about time. I didn't plan to say it. I knew she loved me and she knew I did too. There were no flowers, no chocolate candies or love poems. I was never a kind of Mr. Romantic. I kissed her, I hugged her, I told her I love her, I made love to her, but never once did I tell her how she actually meant world to me.

She told me that she'd rather to die than to break up with me.

I had never told her how much I felt the same.

She didn't know, how much it broke my heart when I decided to left her, when I decided to love someone else.

She was my treasure and I had done a big mistake by trying to walk away from her.

I knew this sounded weird but I am grateful that she didn't let me go.

Last autumn I had tried to walk away from her, to save her from myself—to save myself from breaking my own treasure—but I was never able to save her, in the end it was her who saved me again. She saved me from doing the most stupid thing in this lifetime of mine.

"_Orihime, where do you want to go this Christmas Eve?"_

_That was winter last year, after what had happened last fall our relationship was never the same. She drew a line from me, she wouldn't let me know about what was in her head. I had been trying to act like nothing had happened because I realized I had hurt her by trying to leave her but she thought I did that because I pitied her._

_I tried so hard to let her know that I was sorry._

_She shook her head and mouthed an inaudible 'no'. She didn't smile and she didn't look at me._

"_Orihime, look at me."_

_She didn't look at me._

"_Hime…"_

_She stood up and walked out of the room leaving me alone._

_It broke my heart._

_If this was what she felt when I tried to walk away from then it was hurt so badly._

No matter how hard I tried to explain, I didn't think people would understand about what I feel. I loved her, I really loved her but I didn't want to love her. I didn't want to think that I love her. Had I known it would hurt so much, I would choose not to fall in love at all.

Now here I stood, outside her room with a man I hated so much leaned to the wall in front of me. I had brought her dinner when I saw him in her room, sat next to her. I was furious but I was glad that he said he needed to talk alone with me. I didn't want to show my anger in front of her, I didn't want to show her the monster inside of me once again.

"So, why are we here?"

He looked at me with her cold green eyes. It gave me bad feeling when he looked at me like that. I hated this man. I hated this man for hurting Hime. I hated this man for loving her.

He was the reason why I had to turn into monster in front of her. He was the reason… This bastard.

"It's about that woman."

I gritted my teeth, I was glad he didn't say her name but I didn't like the way he addressed her.

"What's about Orihime."

"Do you love her?"

"What was it for you?"

He looked at me. He didn't look angry at all. He didn't look like anything. His expression was just as plain as ever.

"Do you love her?" he repeated with the same tone as before, "Or not?"

"Why do you ask?"

"If you don't…" he looked at me, "Then I'll take her away."

"Wha-"

"I will kidnap her." He cut me off, "I will kidnap her again, but this time not for Aizen. I will kidnap her for myself."

"You bastard!"

"But if you do…"

He paused.

I didn't understand where this conversation head to.

"If you do love her…" he repeated, "…protect her."

"What?"

"You don't have to promise me, but if you love her, protect her."

"From what?"

He didn't answer.

"So, do you love her?"

I hesitated for a moment, I didn't have to tell him, right?

"Do you?"

I didn't have to lie, he had known the answer.

"Yes."

He looked at me, I couldn't read his expression.

"I love her."

He nodded.

"Protect her."

I frowned.

"That woman, I left her for you to protect."

"You don't have to tell me."

He didn't say anything before he turned around and leave me alone. I still didn't understand what it was about. He wanted me to protect her, from what? Why would it matter to him whether I love her or no? I thought he loved her, right?

I clenched my jaw and turned to re-enter her room.

When I entered the room, she had eaten the dinner I brought her. She looked at me from her bed. She was pale but she looked better than when I left her earlier. I wondered what had she talked about with that bastard when I wasn't here. She smiled weakly to me, the smile that didn't reach her eyes. I smiled back, it hurts to see her like that.

"Hey…" I sat next to her, "Feeling better?"

She nodded. She looked at the door behind me, "Where's he?"

I frowned, why would she ask about him?

"He has gone somewhere."

She sighed. She looked at her hands on her laps. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to know what had happened between them when I wasn't there. I was desperate to know whether he had done something to her or what but I didn't want to scare her.

"Ichigo…"

I startled by the fact that she called my name for the first time.

"Y-yes?" my throat was suddenly dry, "What?"

"Where's your heart?"

"Huh?"

"Do you have someone you love most?"

Why did she ask me that?

"Of course."

It was her.

"How do you know that you love that person?"

How?

"I just know it."

"Your heart told you?"

I nodded.

"My heart told me."

"Do you love me?"

You're my treasure.

"I love you."

"More than you love Rukia?"

I sighed, "Orihime…"

How would I explain this to her?

"Answer me."

"Hime, I only love her as a friend, or sister… What had happened before…"

"Ichigo…" she sounded tired this time, "Do you love me more than her?"

"More than anything." I answered quickly, I reached for her hands and held it with mine, "I love you more than anything, Hime…"

"How do you know?"

"My heart told me?"

Before I could anticipate it Orihime pulled her hands away from me and encircled it around my neck and hugged me tightly. She pressed her face to my neck. I could feel her hot breath and tears. Somehow I felt like crying too, did it mean she had forgiven me?

"Hime…"

I hugged her back tightly.

"Wouldn't your heart lie to you?" she sobbed, "Maybe it lied, maybe you don't really…"

"Heart never lies, Hime…" I inhaled deeply, enjoying her feminine scent.

"Ichigo…"

"Yes?"

"Where is your heart?"

I didn't know what had happened between her and that bastard when I was away.

**-chapter 16—Ichigo— "Hearts, Truths and Lies" : end-**

Author's Note:

I have written almost 1700 words for this chapter when I decided to change everything. This chapter was actually started with Ichigo and Tatsuki walked back to the room and saw Ulquiorra there. But then I remembered something about the plot and what I wrote made a big plot hole and ruined the whole plot so I have to start it over again.

XOXO

Recchinon.


	18. Chapter 17: Betrayal

**Note:**

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**UNBETA'D**

**Chapter 17 —Ulquiorra— **

"**Betrayal"**

Present

_Past/Thought_

.

.

Everybody must have ever betrayed someone at least once in their life. That was just how things went. You betrayed and got betrayed. You hurt and got hurt.

But when you loved, didn't mean you'd be loved back.

It was almost like a jungle's rule, eat or be eaten. The strong ones ate the weaklings. That was how I saw the world. Humans were just no different than the animals. Maybe even worst because animals didn't know what was called 'betrayal'. 'To betray' is a word made by human and done by human only.

_"I need to crush him, Ichigo Kurosaki, and you will help me."_

I had never known who Kurosaki was before. I didn't know what he had done to piss someone like Aizen off but I didn't care. What he had done was none of my business. I just had to do what I'd been told.

_"That girl, bring her here... I want you to bring Orihime Inoue to me."_

I also had never known who she was. Orihime Inoue, one of the most popular girl in the town. I'd heard about her, definitely, what I'd meant was. I didn't know what kind of girl she was. It seemed that she had been really important for Kurosaki, that meant she was also really important for this plan.

_"She is not stupid, you should get her trust first. Take your time, make her believe you. It will disturb Kurosaki indeed, but that's exactly why it'll be interesting."_

To make her believed me then betray her. That sounded too cruel but that was what I should do. I just had to betray her, that shouldn't be hard for me. That shouldn't be complicated.

That had been so wrong.

It has been hard.

And hurtful.

First time I saw her, I mean really saw her, she had pissed me off. This girl smiled too much. She was so bubbly that it seemed like she had no problem at all. It was easy to spot her even in the crowded. I saw how a certain scowling orange head couldn't took his eyes away from her. I could understand that though. I wouldn't admit it but since the beginning it had been so hard even for me to take my eyes off her.

_"How was is? She seemed accepted you quite well."_

_I was looking right into his eyes, he wouldn't believe me if I dared to look away when I was talking with him. Not that I intended to lie to him. It would be useless, this man could read me._

_"It goes well. As planned, she trusted me."_

_I bit my tongue, tried to hold myself from saying anything unnecessary._

_"How about him?"_

_I knew who he meant with 'him'._

_"He doesn't like me, of course." I remembered the way Kurosaki looked at me every time I was with that woman, "He warned me once not to get too close to that woman." I didn't think what made me say it but I couldn't stop myself, "I think Kurosaki suspect me."_

_He chuckled, "Non sense. He is just jealous..."_

_I didn't deny it. I knew it was true._

_"So, how is she? The goddess..." he smiled, he rested his face on his palm, "Is she really as beautiful as in the photo?" He didn't wait for me to answer that question. Slowly his smile turned into a smirk, "I can't wait until you bring her to me... I want to know whether her skin is as smooth as it looks like or not."_

_Something stirred in my stomach when he said those words, but at that time I didn't have any idea what kind of feeling was that._

She had been too trusting.

She didn't ask me too many things about myself. She did ask but she wouldn't pursue it when I didn't answer it. It was just like she didn't care about who I was or what I did. She called me 'her friend'. She worried about me and she actually cared about me.

I never thought that betraying someone would be this hurt and hard for me. It had never happened before. Something deep inside me told me to stop it. Something told me that this was so wrong. To hurt something so pure and so kind was not right. I shouldn't betray her.

But I didn't listen to that voice inside of me.

I couldn't betray Aizen. I knew it for sure. He was the one who saved me from the street and gave me the live I lived in now. I has been in debt with him. He had saved my life and I had to pay for it. Between two choices I chose to betray her.

_"Why do you hurt her? You said you wouldn't hurt her!"_

_"Oh, did I? Ulquiorra Schiffer, you are too naive..."_

Then I realized that Aizen had betrayed me too. He broke his promise not to hurt her and when I saw her blood on the floor I just couldn't stop myself. I knew I wouldn't be able to turn back time to stop myself but I wouldn't let myself to repeat the same mistake.

I could still remember how my hands were trembling when I hold the gun. I wasn't scared. Not at all. I was just too angry that I couldn't even stand straight.

I wished I had killed him that night.

Instead of shooting his feet I should have shot his head or his heart. It shouldn't be hard with six bullets inside the gun I wouldn't miss it. But I knew she wouldn't like that. Even in that state I still thought about her. I betrayed her once and I didn't want to betray her again.

That night I thought everything right there and then. After that night, I thought she would be finally saved. So, I disappeared from her life. I wanted to give her the peaceful life she had before. She didn't need someone like me in her life.

But I needed her.

From a far, I kept watching her. I saw her with her friends, with him, I saw her being happy. That was enough for me. I though it was about time for me to move on, to let her go for real when that day, I saw how he broke her heart. He and that Kuchiki woman had betrayed her.

That was unfair.

Why had everyone betrayed her?

Her boyfriend.

Her best friend.

Me.

Maybe I was no one for her but the fact that I betrayed her too wouldn't change.

To see her crying but pretended to be okay made me wanted to comfort her. I didn't know how but I wanted to do something. All that I could do was just to watch her from a far. If only I could, I'd hug her.

_"I am actually surprised that you'd really agree to come with me."_

_The red head who was grinning at me must have known it. I had my own reason to agree. I heard something two weeks ago and this was the only chance for me to make up every mistake I'd done in the past. I'd save her this time._

_"You miss her right?"_

_"None of your business."_

I was relieved when I saw him standing there next to her. A part of me was relieved to see that look in his eyes. I saw it. he loved her. I didn't know his reason, why he did something that's hurt her so bad but right there when our eyes met, I swore I saw the same thing like few years ago. Kurosaki still loved that woman.

Deep inside me, I knew it. He had always loved her. I was relieved but that was not enough. Though he loved her, he'd been too stupid that he'd hurt her feeling. There was no way at this point for him to save her. I would do it by myself. I would save her.

I wouldn't betray her anymore.

_I felt something hot and sting on my cheek as her palm connected to my skin. She slapped me for kissing her. I didn't care though. I had been wanting to kiss her since long ago. The feeling of her lips on mine worth thousand slaps._

_"Why?"_

_Her voice was trembling._

_"Because I love you."_

_She looked sad but she didn't look surprised. Maybe deep inside she already knew about my feeling for her. I knew what she would say but it didn't mean it hurt less when she really said it._

_"I love Ichigo. You know it."_

_"I do."_

_"Then why?"_

_She looked into my eyes._

_I didn't know what to say. I never expected her to love me back because I know she loved him and only him but it wouldn't change my feeling for her. I loved her. I had tried to deny this feeling for so long now but I wouldn't run away anymore._

_"He's back."_

_He grey eyes widened as I mentioned 'him'. I didn't have to mention his name but I knew she knew who I meant. i could see her face became paler and her body started shaking._

_"How do you know? He's... He's not coming back..."_

I was soaked from the rain and I knew my body was cold when I pulled her into a tight hug. But I knew that was not the reason why she was shaking in my embrace. It was him. It scared her. I understood. It did scare me too, but I needed to save her. I would give my life away for her safety, for her happiness. I wanted to see her smile again and I would do anything for it.

_"Come with me..."_

_"Where?"_

_"We'll go, far away. Somewhere save."_

_"I..."_

_"I want to save you."_

_She looked into my eyes. She bit her lip and shook her head._

_"I can't."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I love Ichigo. I won't leave him..."_

_"But he'd betrayed you!"_

_She smiled weakly. She didn't say anything after that but I knew what she wanted to say. I bit my own lip unconsciously imitating her. Stupid girl, isn't she? Kurosaki had betrayed her but she still loved him that much._

_Aizen had come back and he was back for Kurosaki. If she stayed by his side, it would only endanger her. But she had made her mind._

_"Woman, what makes you sure that you love him?"_

_She smiled again, "My heart told me so."_

_"Then where is your heart?"_

_"It is..."_

_She looked troubled to find the right words to answer. I looked at her, waiting for her to answer my question but she didn't say anything._

_"What is a heart actually?" I asked her again, "Can you see it?"_

_She sighed and shook her head, "I don't know what's the right definition... I can't see my heart, but I believe in it. I don't want to betray my heart..."_

_I closed my eyes. Her words echoed in my head. Naive. Her words were beautiful and naive, just like her and I wouldn't want it any other way._

_"Ulquiorra-kun, where is your heart?"_

_I shook my head as I stood up, "I don't have it."_

_"Huh?" I could feel her eyes on me as I turn to walk to the slide paper door._

_"I don't have a heart anymore. I've given it to you."_

_I want to turn around to see her expression at the moment but I knew if I saw her face right now, I might end up kiss her again and changed my mind. I walked toward the door and stopped right there before I slide it open._

_"Woman, you maybe not want to betray your heart," I said it without looking at her, "But it doesn't mean that your heart wouldn't betray you."_

_._

_._

TBC.

.

.

Author's Note:

I update?

Yeah...

But I have lost my interest in Bleach... :P

Pairing wars kill the mood.

But I will finish my fanfic... Next I will do Love story... I will send it to my Beta first though...

I hope this fic wouldn't be too confusing.

.

Recchinon


	19. Chapter 18: Regret

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**UNBETA'D**

**Chapter 18 —Tatsuki— **

"**Regret"**

**.**

_._

"Oi, Where are you going?"

The pale man stopped and turned to face me. I scowled when I saw the expression he wore at the time. He'd been always like that, wearing that poker face mask, but this time I saw something different in his emerald eyes. His eyes were darker than usual and his usually pale lips were turned into a thin line. He didn't say anything to me but the look on his face explain it all. Something was going on.

"What's wrong?" I walked toward the bartender, a little bit more concerned than I wanted to. I knew he had been in Orihime's room just now. If my feeling was right, this wouldn't be good. Oh how I wished I was wrong.

"I've to go," he said in his deep baritone, "take care of that woman."

Whom he referred with "that woman" was Orihime. I didn't understand exactly what he meant by that but I knew there must be something really wrong behind this. This man, Ulquiorra, was no longer dangerous for Orihime, I knew it. Since the beginning I knew he would never hurt Orihime. There was something in the way he looked at her which assured me that he would not dare to do that. He loved her. Even back then when he had to betray Orihime, in the end, he saved her. Now, the look in his eyes, and the way he talked to me... He wanted to save her.

...from what?

I had a feeling about what he had been hiding but I didn't dare to ask. I wished I was just wrong.

"Where're you going?" I looked into his eyes, searching for some kind of emotion which might tell me what was in his mind. He looked at me directly, I couldn't read this man, "What about Hime?"

If I was right, which hopefully not, this vacation would be the worst vacation ever.

His eyes didn't leave mind. His emerald eyes were cold and empty.

You might not believe something like this, me neither, about telepathy. Nu-uh, there wasn't such a thing like that. I was not Orihime who believed in supernatural power but when he looked into my eyes, just like a telepathy, I could understand what he was trying to say. All of sudden, I knew what it was all about.

I gasped loudly.

My eyes widened and I shook my head.

No way.

No fucking way.

It was all about Aizen.

I was—unfortunately—right.

I had known Ichigo Kurosaki since forever. I'd known him before everyone else. Literally, I'd known him for the entire of my life. We grew up together and since our parents were best friends plus we lived closed to each other, there were times where I spent my time mostly with that scowling boy. His late mother used to invite me for dinner. We were practically sibling.

When Orihime joined us a little later, I knew it right away, there had been something special about them. Orihime was a really cute and nice girl, I liked her very much. Me and Orihime became friends right away and I had a feeling that the only man I could accept to be with her was my other bestfriend, Ichigo. I was really happy when they were getting alone.

My dad made me took karate class when I entered elementary school which meant I couldn't play with Ichigo and Orihime as often as usual. I did miss them, especially Orihime but when they had each other with them, I would not worry about them.

Ichigo loved Orihime, whoever said otherwise might have a long nice discussion with me.

I wouldn't be wrong, after all of this year I'd spent with them. I knew it, Ichigo had loved Orihime more than what he thought he was capable to do.

That was why even thought there were rumors that Ichigo had an affair with Rukia, I knew, the one he loved the most is Orihime. After what had happened with Ulquiorra and Aizen proved it. How Ichigo had lost himself only to save her.

Ichigo's mother died in an accident. She died to protect Ichigo. The car hit the beautiful woman and the young Ichigo, she used her body to shield him. She saved him though in the end, she had to lose her life to save his. Ichigo had been always so close with her mother so I thought this would bring him down but I was half wrong. He had been down but she, Orihime, had been there for him. They were just a kid, just like me at the time, but when he held her hand and walk side by side with her, he had that mature look in his eyes. I had to admit, Ichigo has been the coolest when he had been with Orihime.

I still remembered how at the funeral, that guy were standing there. His brown eyes were hidden under the glasses but I could see his tears.

I was standing not too far from him. That man looked at Ichigo with an unexplained expression. It was... a grudge.

That was the first time I saw Aizen and unfortunately not the last.

* * *

_When I heard about what had just happened, I wanted to kill him. A punch and a kick wouldn't be enough. He was responsible for what had been happened to my bestfriend. He was also my bestfriend but that didn't mean he might involve Orihime in danger. I knew, deep inside I knew, that this wasn't his fault but I still couldn't forgive him. _

_I was ready to kill him when I saw him there, standing next to her bed with his arm broken and bandage around his head. His eyes, those brown orbs, were glued to the unconscious Hime.__ I forgot about the punches and kicks I planned to give him. The look in his eyes, he had beaten himself mentally worse than what I could do to him._

_It was not really his fault._

_He didn't want it to happen to her. _

_I stood there by the door for few more minutes, watching the orange head stood there without saying anything. I couldn't say anything. I'd heard about it. I didn't saw it but I heard from the police how he had beaten the two guys._

_It wasn't him who did that. _

_Ichigo didn't remember anything about that night, the doctor said it was the aftershock. He couldn't remember that night completely but he knew, that night he had turned into a monster right in front of the girl he loved._

_I clenched my hands. _

_If only I were there…_

'_Sorry…'_

_It was barely heard but Ichigo muttered something to the unconscious Hime._

'_Sorry, I had dragged you into this…' he talked as if he didn't know I had been there watching them, 'If only… If only I could protect you. But what I could do was just bring you danger…'_

_I almost cried when I saw a single tear on his cheek._

_Ichigo Kurosaki, the strongest man in the kendo club was crying._

'_I am so sorry…'_

* * *

As I watched his back, I knew I had to do something.

I couldn't stop Ulquiorra but maybe I could do something.

I clenched my fists and hurry to Orihime's room. Ichigo supposed to be there. If I couldn't do anything, maybe Ichigo could do something. He beat Aizen once, this time maybe he'd beat him again. I turned in the corner and I saw Renji walked from the opposite direction from me.

"Oi, Tatsuki!"

He grinned at me.

"Did you see Ichigo?"

The red haired man frowned when he saw my face.

He studied my expression and said in a serious tone, "Something's happened?"

"Where's Ichigo and the other?"

"Rukia was going somewhere, Hime-chan of course is in her room and I believe Ichigo is there with her."

I nodded, "Thanks."

I was ready to run to the room where Hime had stayed when Renji grabbed my upper arm to stop me. I groaned and turned to see him standing there with a serious look on his face. He could smell trouble and I didn't have time to explain to him.

I sighed because I knew he wouldn't let me go before I answered him. I could just kick him hard but I knew he wouldn't let go without a fight.

"Go get Rukia, we talked in Hime's room."

"Where's Ulquiorra?"

I didn't answer. From the look in my eyes, he supposed to understand already. He groaned when I didn't answer him. He knew it. I knew he understood.

"Fuck," he cursed, "He's gone, hasn't he?"

"Get Rukia," I pulled my self away from him, "We talked about it later."

* * *

_If everybody had something to regret, to become bestfriend with Orihime would never be it to me. I would never regret the day I met her. When I saw her, I knew this girl would be my friend. I'd decided right when I saw her, I want to be her friend._

"_My name's Tatsuki, what's yours?"_

"_Orihime!"_

_She was smiling when she took my hand and shook it. Behind me, Ichigo was peeking on Orihime without saying anything. I knew he wanted to be her friend too but he had been too shy to approach her. I liked this girl, she looked like the princess in a fairytale my mother used to read to me at night. _

_I moved and pushed Ichigo to stand right in front of Orihime. He became panic but when Orihime smiled at him, he couldn't do anything but staring at her._

"_My name is Orihime," she shook his hand friendly._

"_Ichigo." He muttered shyly._

_Orihime giggled._

_Ichigo didn't like it when someone laughed at his name, he scowled, "What?"_

_She shook her head and flashed him with her blinding smile, "I like your hair! It almost looks like mine!"_

_I was really young at that time and I didn't know much about love. But when I saw faint blushes on his cheeks became more and more visible, I had a feeling that this might be something people called love. I liked this girl and Ichigo was my bestfriend. If they got married, there would be party and foods! I was really happy at that time and I wished they would get married soon._

_The day I became a friend with Orihime, I would never regret that day._

* * *

It has been years since that day, now me and Orihime both had grown up and we learned about many things. We grew up and many things changed but our friendship remained the same. Orihime and I grew up as a completely different personality but yet we were still best friend.

As time goes by, Ichigo and Orihime grew closer just like what I had expected since the beginning. It was just about time for Ichigo to get some balls to ask her out. I was supporting them with all my might. I knew, they were meant to be together. Though many things happened, though they might not sure about it, I just knew about it.

* * *

'_Tatsuki!'_

_It was after lunch time when Orihime called my name in the cafeteria. I turned to greet her when I saw her alone without Rukia or Ichigo with her. Well, not really alone but I didn't know who was the guy who was standing next to her._

_Orihime waved her hand, signaling me to come closer. I frowned and walked to her. My eyes shifted from her smiling face to the blank face of the man next to her. I'd seen her somewhere but I didn't remember where. I didn't have any idea why he stood that close to my Hime. A part of me disliked it._

"_Hey," I greeted her._

_Orihime smiled wider, "Tatsuki, this is Schiffer-kun, he had helped me today so I take him here to treat him lunch __to__ gratitude__ him__."_

_I eye__d__ the man from top to toe. This man was too pale for my own liking. He was very thin with dark circle around his eyes. His jet black hair was messy and oily. He looked so gloomy. Just by standing there, next to the goddess, he looked even worse._

"_What had he done for you?"_

_Orihime blushed and looked away, avoiding my eyes, "Well, err…" she rubbed the back of her head shyly, "He caught me when I fell from the tree."_

_I scowled, my voice turned sterner, "And what were you doing exactly on a tree?"_

_She became redder, "I tried to help a kitten. She could climb the tree but she couldn't get down…"_

_I growled. I knew Ichigo couldn't be there for her every seconds but sometime I wished that stupid orange head could watch her better. Orihime had tendency to do dangerous things and it was my and Ichigo's job to protect her from the danger._

_If only Ichigo knew about it, I was sure he would freak out._

"_So, err..." I looked at the man once again and frowned, "Schiffer-san," just when the name escaped my mouth, I remember who this man was, "thank you for saving Hime."_

_This man was the famous Ulquiorra Schiffer, the emo boy who had been rumored to be involved with some drug dealler. He wasn't__ someone who should be near Orihime._

"_I didn't plan to help her. She fell onto me."_

_I raised my eyebrows when the emo turned around and left us._

"_W-wait, Schiffer-san!"_

_He walked away coolly, ignoring Orihime. I narrowed my eyes, a man who ignored Hime must have been a gay._

I thought he was a gay, but he wasn't.

He loved Orihime. He didn't say it out loud, but I knew it.

* * *

"_This was not your fault."_

_I tapped Ichigo's shoulder from behind as he sat there next to her bed. It has been two days and she hadn't woken up. Aizen didn't touch her but his followers, those damn bitches had broken her arm. Ichigo blamed himself for what had happened. This was not his fault._

"_Maybe," he said in a tired voice, "It was better if I never loved her."_

_I frowned, I didn't like what he just said, "Do you regret it?"_

_He didn't say anything. His eyes never left her sleeping face, he was scowling like usual but at the same time his expression looked soft and sad. His hands hold her smaller hand. Despite what he'd said, I knew he loved her too much to regret it._

"_When you love someone, there were times where you regret it. If I didn't love her," he spitted the name in anger,"that bastard would not kidnap her."_

_If you love someone, there were times where you'd regret it._

_Maybe he was right…_

_I regretted it._

_It wasn't his fault._

_It was mine…_

…_if only I had enough brave to say it._

* * *

When I slid the door opened, both Ichigo and Orihime looked at me with a serious look on their face. I had a feeling that they had expected this. I saw the tears on my beautiful friend's cheeks. I clenched my fists to control myself not to shout at Ichigo for making her cry again.

"Tatsuki, what's wrong?"

He was scowling and his brown eyes looked right into mine.

"I saw Ulquiorra."

Orihime eyes left me and her gaze fall onto her laps which was covered by a thick blanket. From the corner of my eyes I could see her bit her lower lip and chewed it.

"I think we need to stop him."

Ichigo sighed, "What do you mean?"

He knew it. I knew he knew what I mean, "He's back Ichigo, Aizen's back…"

Orihime closed her eyes, "So it's true?"

"So what?" Ichigo growled, "I wouldn't let him touched Orihime. I would fight!"

I shook my head, he didn't get what I meant, "Ulquiorra is trying to stop Aizen, he might do something dangerous…" I knew I sounded so out-of-character and weak right now but I didn't care, "you need to stop him before he gets hurt!"

Ichigo folded his arms and looked at me, "I wouldn't leave Orihime here. He went by his own will. It's none of my business…"

"You don't understand," I clenched my fists too hard that my nail started to make my palms bleeding, "he could be death, Ichigo!"

He shook his head, "I would not leave Hime for anything or anyone."

"YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS, AREN'T YOU!"

I surprised myself when I shouted at my bestfriend. Ichigo had the same expression with me when he looked at me disbelievingly. Hime sighed, she looked at me for few seconds before once again she looked at her laps.

"What are you talking about!" Ichigo groaned.

"You are fucking jealous!" I shouted at him again, "You know he loves Hime, that's why you didn't want to save him!"

"You don't understand anything!" Ichigo's face was red now.

"You are the one who don't understand anything!"

* * *

_If there were anything to regret for, it must have been my jealousy._

_I didn't tell anybody about this but when Ulquiorra took Hime to Aizen, I actually saw it. No, I didn't know that he was taking her to Aizen but I knew that they went together. At that time, if only I called her name and she looked at me…_

_Maybe she wouldn't go with Ulquiorra. Maybe she'd be safe._

_I was ready to call her actually. I had opened my mouth. But before I had a chance to call her, I saw that. I saw how he looked at her with those emerald orbs which were somehow brighter every time she was around him._

_I didn't call her. Instead, I turned around and go._

_I would never stop regretting that day._

* * *

"I love Ulquiorra, Ichigo."

His eyes widened.

"Please, save him."

.

.

**-chapter 18—Tatsuki— "****Regret****" : end-**

Author's Note:

Sorry it took so long for me to update it.

I wished I could update the other stories too ASAP.

And yes, Even Now would be ended in maybe 4-5 chapters from now.

It's a little bit long and slow because I used too many POV.

I hope I didn't disappoint you.

.

.

Recchinon


	20. Chapter 19: Hatred

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**UNBETA'D**

**Chapter 18 —Orihime— **

"**Hatred"**

**.**

_._

_When my parents were dead, I felt nothing. I was too small at the time and I was not closed (or even loved) by my parents so when they died, I felt nothing. My brother wasn't cry either when our parents died. He hated them because they didn't love me. I didn't hate them, I just couldn't love them._

_When Masaki-san died, I didn't understand what Ichigo felt. He thought, no matter how people said it wasn't like that, he was the one who caused her death. He blamed himself. Of course that wasn't true. I was so young back then and I didn't know anything about relationship between parents and their kids, but I knew, Masaki-san loved Ichigo so much. She would not hate Ichigo for anything. She would be happy to be able to protect him._

_I remembered that day. Though I wanted to forget it, I just couldn't._

_I was there with my brother. He picked me up from school that day and Masaki-san picked Ichigo up. I got fever so Sora gave me a piggy back. I saw it. I rest my chin on Sora's shoulder. I was sleepy and my eyes was half closed when I saw Ichigo ran after a puppy that tried to cross the road. A car, an SUV, black car... Too fast. Sora was calling Ichigo's name, some people were screaming, Masaki-san ran toward her son, Ichigo stood there with the puppy in his hands, I opened my eyes... Everything happened before I could say anything._

_It was really noisy._

_Sora ran, with me on his back, to where people were gathering. The driver was quickly called an ambulance and in few minutes I could hear the sirens. It was too noisy. Sora put me down to call Isshin-san. Too many people I couldn't see anything._

_Too many people, too many noises, I just wanted to see him._

_And I saw him._

_He sat there with the puppy still in his arms. He was red. I never saw him that red. His eyes were wide opened, not far from him, Masaki-san who was also covered by red sticky liquid laid on the road. I called her name but she didn't move. _

_This morning Ichigo wore white t-shirt to school, but now the white t-shirt was no longer white._

* * *

_He blamed himself, but I knew it wasn't his fault. It was her instinct as a mother, that was what Sora told me. If there was something happened to Ichigo, Masaki-san would never be able to forgive herself. Masaki-san would never regret to give her life to her son._

_He hid it from me but I knew it, he still couldn't forgive himself._

_He blamed himself, and actually he was not the only one._

_That man was scary.I never disliked someone but this man gave me goosebumps. He was handsome and he looked somewhat delicate but the look in his eyes was full of anger. He hated Ichigo. I knew it. I just knew it. The first time I saw him, I knew I would never forget the way he looked at Ichigo._

_He tried to hit Ichigo but Isshin-san stopped him. Isshin-san was a great man. He was sad because his beloved wife passed away but he knew better than to blame his son. _

_Ichigo stood next to me the whole time. He said nothing. I said nothing. He hold my hand and I could feel how much he wanted to be strong. _

_I stood next to him when the man talked to him. _

_His hair was brown and he wore glasses. Behind those glasses his eyes were red. _

_He said something about revenge. Ichigo said nothing. _

_That day, I couldn't sleep at all._

_That day was the first time I saw so much anger and hatred radiated from one person._

* * *

_When I met that person once again. I almost didn't recognize him. It had been so many years and he looked different. He didn't wear his glasses anymore and he had different hair style, but the same amount of hatred and anger radiated from him._

_He said he wanted him dead and he would use me to kill him._

_I was scared._

_This man was crazy._

_This man had been controlled by his hatred. He was no longer human. I was scared because I knew he would really try to kill Ichigo and I didn't want him to do that. _

_His name was Sousuke Aizen._

_He was a younger brother of Masaki Aizen._

_Ichigo's uncle._

* * *

"I love Ulquiorra, Ichigo."

I looked at Tatsuki who was now pleading. She was sobbing. I never saw Tatsuki like this. She was always a strong woman. She would never cry and plead... Tatsuki was not a kind of girl who would let anyone see her soft side.

She loved Ulquiorra...

She never told me about this.

"Please, save him."

I looked at Ichigo. He gritted his teeth, trying not to meet Tatsuki eyes. I knew them too well. I knew Tatsuki was serious. If she said she loved Ulquiorra, then I believed her and I understood her feeling. I understood how it feels to love someone too deep that you didn't care about your pride anymore. This Tatsuki in front of me right now reminds me of myself that autumn when I threw away my pride and begged Ichigo not to leave me.

Ichigo was always a kind man. I knew, no matter how much he loved me, he wouldn't have heart to see his friend in trouble. I knew he always had this strong sense of justice, and this was one of the reasons why I loved him so much.

Renji sighed, "Ichigo, I think we need to go. That emo guy is good in fighting but you know how dangerous Aizen is."

Ichigo said nothing. He didn't even look at me.

"Ichigo," Rukia who stood next to Renji called him in a soft but stern voice, "you owe him once."

"I owe him nothing!" Ichigo snapped, he looked at Rukia and Renji, "I hate that guy and I have nothing to do with him!"

I looked at his face. He looked angry but I saw no hatred in his eyes. He was lying he didn't hate him. I smiled when I realized it. Ichigo, my Ichigo, the only man I love... He might say anything he wanted but his eyes were too honest, they couldn't lie.

I stood up cheerfully.

"Okay, let's go!"

"Eh?"

Everyone in the room looked at me. I just giggled when I saw their expression, for some reason, I became really happy. I just realized something important, the answer of the question I kept asking this whole time.

"H-hime.."

I smiled at Ichigo, "He kissed me once," I said quickly before Ichigo could say anything, "But!" He was frowning but he let me continue, I smiled wider, "To punch him, first you have to find him, right? Don't worry, we will help you."

"Orihime..."

I heard Rukia muttered my name.

I turned and smiled at the raven haired girl who was surprised by my sudden mood change. I knew it now. I didn't hate her. I never hated her. I knew it, she didn't hate me too. We had misunderstood each other the whole time and made everything complicated.

"You know," I knew they were looking at me curiously but I looked down, hiding my face under my bang, "there were many things we needed to talk. There were too many secrets between us. We tried not to hurt each other, we tried not to be selfish, but in the end, we just ended up hurting each other."

I sighed.

No one said anything so I continued, "We love each other, yet we hate each other. We confused our feelings, we misunderstood our feelings..." I tried not to sound lame, "I think we need to settle everything... But you know, to clear these up, we need everyone to be here. Ulquiorra too..."

"Hime..."

I smiled, "Because we are friends, aren't we?"

I looked at them one by one.

"We hurt each other," I said, "we fight, and we misunderstand each other..."

My eyes meet a pair of brown eyes.

"...But in the end, we still couldn't hate each other."

* * *

**-chapter 19—Orihime— "****Hatred****" : end-**

Author's Note:

Hey :)

Sorry that I took time to update. Sorry that this chapter is really short. :)

Thanks for reading **Even Now** even now (ok, not funny, I know...)

I don't know when would I update the next chapter but I will definitely finish this story so don't worry :D

Recchinon


	21. Chapter 20: Complicated

**Disc: Standard Applied.**

**Chapter 20 -Rukia-**

**"Complicated"**

**(Warning: I type this on my blackberry's word to go, so if the format turns out to be hard to read, I apologize, will repair it when I have my PC."**

**.**

_There were many kinds of love in this world. They were all same yet different. For example what I felt for Ichigo and what Orihime felt for Ichigo, that was love but it was not same. I realized it just now._

_I adored Ichigo, I loved him. I almost believed that I could and would never love someone else like this but him. Only him. I knew, what I felt for him was not a merely crush. It was something deeper. I was falling in love with him. I knew he loved me too._

_But what he felt maybe not what I felt._

_To think about my feeling, I always had this weird feeling, whenever Ichigo said that he loved me or treated me nice, I felt like that was not him. When the first time he said he loved me and he was ready to hurt Orihime's feeling, that was not like him. One other reason I hesitated that time was because I didn't know who was that man in front of me. He wasn't Ichigo I know._

_When I saw him with Orihime, the way he talked to her, the way he looked at her, I knew it. It was just like how he treated me but it was different. When he was with her, he did it naturally. He was being himself. _

_Later I knew, when he told me he loved me, when he offered me his hand, even when I kissed him, there had been always another person in his heart and mind. That wasn't me._

_That was her._

_It was always her._

_Ichigo wasn't bright when it came to heart matter. Took long time for him to realize something so maybe he hadn't realized it but I knew, deep inside I always knew, that the one he trully loved was Orihime._

.

"Hime..."

Ichigo looked at the girl with determined look on her face. She was getting ready to leave the inn, putting all of her personal belongings into her bag. She had said she would help Ulquiorra and no one would stop her from doing so. We were all ready. I had my backpack on the floor near my foot and leaned on the paper rice door with folded arms.

Tatsuki didn't say anything, she sat on the floor next to my backpack while Renji sat across the room with his bags next to him. His eyes were on the strawberry for few second before he turned to see me and smiled.

That stupid baboon.

"Don't you understand how dangerous it could be?" Ichigo sounded desperate, "If you want we can call the police."

Orihime zipped up her bag, "Ichigo, if we call the police, they would arrest Ulquiorra-kun. We have no proof..."

"But it is dangerous!"

Orihime nodded, "Yes, it is. That's why we need to save him."

Ichigo let out a tired sigh. I knew he didn't want to go but I knew he also couldn't let Orihime do it by herself.

I sighed, "Do you have any idea where he went?"

Renji shrugged, "I am not sure but I do have some crazy idea about where he is."

"Cool!" Orihime smiled as she stood up, "Let's go!"

Tatsuki hadn't said anything but she nodded and stood up. Renji smirked and stood up. He walked to the door, shoving his hands in his pants' pockets.

"I'll get the car," he said as he passed me, "someone should tell the Okami-san that we're checking out."

"I'll do that!" Tatsuki beat me before I could say anything. She followed the red head man walking out the door leaving me and the couple alone in the room.

"Hime..." Ichigo sighed, his eyes never left her. Maybe he didn't even realize that I was there with them, "If something happened to you..."

Orihime shook her head, "I will be okay... I can protect my self." She looked at him and smile, "I believed in you, you'll never let something happened to me."

Ichigo didn't say anything but Orihime smiled at him.

I saw some red tint on his face when finally he opened his mouth, "I'll protect you."

"I know. I believe in you."

.

_Another kind of love I saw came from the auburn haired lady, Orihime Inoue. _

_Orihime wasn't the easiest book to read. She smiled and smiled and we'd never understand what was in her head actually. She'd smile when she was happy and she'd smile when she was sad. She didn't like to depend on anyone, not even to the man she loved. A man who loved her._

_Orihime was beautiful. Even I knew it. Almost all the guys I knew had some crush on her. She was really popular back then in school. She was still popular in university but of course no guy was stupid enough to make a move on the deathberry's girlfriend._

_Orihime loved Ichigo, even blind people could see it, or rather feel it. The way she looked at Ichigo was the way a woman looked at the man he loved. I knew she loved him so much, because I felt the same about the same man._

_Well, it wasn't really the same._

_What I felt for Ichigo, maybe wasn't like what she felt. I didn't realize it until later when I learnt that she had known about me and Ichigo, yet she refused to give up. _

_At first, I thought it was really selfish. She couldn't accept the fact that he didn't love her anymore. She wouldn't let him go. I thought she was selfish because she pretended not to see that Ichigo didn't love her anymore. Ichigo couldn't leave her because she wouldn't let him go, at that time I felt that it was so unfair. _

_Later I realized, she didn't do that only because she was selfish, I knew it now. Deep in her heart she believed that no matter what Ichigo said to her, he loved her. Orihime loved Ichigo, I was blinded before but now I could see it clearly, her feeling for Ichigo was really deep._

_If Ichigo loved me, if he really loved me, why didn't he leave Orihime? I thought it was because she couldn't live without him but now I knew, it was because he couldn't live without her. _

_He said he loved me but the way he acted wasn't like he really loved me. And actually I knew it, I turned him down because I knew it. He loved Orihime and only her._

_Orihime was a lovable girl. I loved her, we loved her. If you know her personally, it was impossible to not love her. Ichigo had loved her for so long, even before I met them. Ever since I knew them, he had been in love with her. The one whom I fell in love with was the Ichigo who loves Orihime. I learned it recently when I saw him waiting for the girl to open her eyes..._

_Orihime, thought maybe she didn't realize it, knew that Ichigo still had this feeling for her, that was the reason why she didn't let him go. And he didn't leave her because deep inside he never really wanted to go. I was so stupid because I didn't realize it sooner._

_Ichigo I loved was a man who would do everything for the woman he loved. Ichigo had always been protective toward his friends but he did more for the girl he loved. He tried to stop his feeling, to leave her, to love another girl, in order to protect the girl he loved._

_He was really stupid but I fell in love with that stupid man._

_But, no matter how deep my feeling was for him, I could never compare it to Orihime's feeling for him. Now I already accepted it, I didn't love Ichigo like how she loved him. I loved Ichigo who loved her. Maybe, I'd mistaken my own feeling._

_It wasn't easy but Orihime and Ichigo had taught me something about love._

_._

Renji's car was a SUV, big enough for five of us. Tatsuki insisted that she sat alone on the back seat together with some of our belongings. I understood though, right now she just wanted to be alone.

There was no music, no one speaking, nothing. I sat on the navigator seat nervously. I stole a glance at everybody every now and then and their serious look made me feel even more nervous.

Orihime saw me looking at her and she smiled. She said nothing but her eyes were telling me not to worry because she knew it'd be okay and I felt better.

"So," I spoke for the first time after so long, my throat was dry and sore, "Do you have any idea where is he?"

Renji sighed, his eyes were focused on the road, "Well, I wasn't sure but..."

"But?"

He shrugged, "I know where he lives. Maybe we'll find something there."

"I hope we still have time," Orihime muttered, "I had a feeling that Ulquiorra is heading back to Karakura..."

Renji nodded, "Yeah, if Aizen were really back, he'd be in Karakura."

Ichigo groaned, "If he's taking a train then we still have time."

I agreed, "Yeah, we'll make it!" I said it louder than I should only to make sure that Tatsuki could hear me and feel better.

Renji shook his head, "Actually I am not sure about it since he got my bike."

"What?" I cried, "Didn't you come with him with this car?"

He shook his head, "Actually no, I came earlier than him. He said he needs to take care of something before he came."

I slapped my forehead, "Smooth, Abarai!"

Ichigo snorted, "He'd planned it since the beginning."

"Now, he's riding a bike!" I shot Renji with my angry glare, "he might be at Aizen's already!"

Renji gritted his teeth, "How could he get outta the jail? I thought he had do stay in for 5 years! It hasn't even 4 years! What's wrong with the law?"

I looked at Tatsuki who was actually majoring Criminal Law. She let out a heavy sigh and shook her head.

"If he behaved well in there, then it's possible for him to get out sooner," I heard she growled, "however, 5 years sentence was still too light for him actually."

Renji growled, "I hate Japanese law system."

I heard a cough come from Orihime, I turned to look at her and winced when I realized she looked kind of pale. Ichigo patted her shoulder and looked worried.

"You okay?"

"Gosh, I am just coughing!" Orihime laughed, "Don't worry, all will be fine. I can't wait!"

Ichigo sighed. He pulled her head so it rested on his shoulder. I looked away from them. My eyes met Renji's for a second before he back to focus on the road.

A second was enough for his eyes to tell me not to worry. I know what Renji wanted to tell me. It was weird, since when me and Renji had this kind of bond? It was like he could read what I had in mind and speak to me trough his eyes. It was... Stupid.

"We," Renji started, for once in his life he actually sounded smart and wise, "have many things to solve. First this. Then after this, we needed to have a long nice talk."

"What are you talking about?" I snorted though I actually really knew what it was about.

"You and Ichigo," he said again without looking at me, "and Orihime-chan. Also you, Tatsuki. Need to explain things properly."

I frowned.

"Things like the incident three years ago happened because we don't open up to each other," Renji actually made a sense, it kind of freaked me out, "now, it's not too late to be more open to each other, what do you think?"

"I don't mind at all," said the auburn haired girl on the passenger seat, "I do have many things to say."

"Me too," Renji nodded, "Now that we have talk to do, we need to make sure we find Ulquiorra quick so we can invite him to the talk."

I heard Ichigo muttered "It's stupid" under his breathe. But somehow, I didn't think what Renji said was stupid. We did need to talk.

I looked at Renji's face. He didn't look at me but I bet he knew I was watching him because he had the smug grin plastered on his, well, not so bad looking face.

I knew it wasn't the right time to think about it right now since we had something more serious to do but I couldn't help but to remember about our kiss, Renji and me, earlier that night. I never thought that his lips were soft.

I never thought that he loved me.

.

_When I said I never thought that he love me, I lied. Because far before he said it, I actually had this feeling that Renji loved me, more than a friend but I tried to deny it because no, I could never return his feeling, I love Ichigo only._

_Renji was my best friend. When I said bestfriend, it meant, we were calling each other names and kick each other ass. He never kicked me actually, I kicked him, sometime I kicked his pineaple head and maybe that was the reason why he was really stupid._

_Renji came to my house very often, not to see me but to see my big brother. I didn't knew what were those two men doing actually but though they were not all friendly with each other, I thought it was clear that Renji respected my brother. _

_Renji had had girlfriends, just like me. We were going out with some people during school and broke up after the second or third date. I hadn't suspected why he did that at that time, I thought he was just a stupid monkey brained red head but now after his confession. I had an idea of why he did all of those stupid acts. Well, it was just like me._

_We loved someone who didn't, couldn't and wouldn't love us._

_Renji wasn't a bad person. True, he wasn't really smart but I knew he was actually a nice person. He cared about his friends and he was actually kind of funny..._

_Not that I found that was attractive._

_When he said he loves me, I actually wanted to ask him, why he liked me. Because really, I couldn't see why anyone would love me when there was a girl as beautiful as Inoue around me._

_I might sound jealous right now but no, I just wanted to know because Renji was actually kind of popular amongst girls. Why me?_

_Maybe after we found Ulquiorra and Aizen, I'd ask him about it._

_._

It was tiring. We didn't sleep at all, we couldn't. Three hours felt like days. I cursed in my mind because we couldn't go faster. I didn't knew where we were heading to but I hoped Renji really knew where we were going because I had no idea at all about where Ulquiorra was going to.

On the back seat I heard nothing from Tatsuki but I knew she was as wide awake as me. She must have been really worried. Afterall, she knew how dangerous Aizen was and she loved Ulquiorra...

I still couldn't believe it.

Tatsuki? The strongest girl in town and that emo guy?

"Tatsuki-chan," I heard Orihime voice, soft and a little tired, "you okay?"

"I'm fine, Orihime, don't worry." Tatsuki did sound find but Tatsuki wasn't a woman who'd let people see her weakness, "I'm just a little restless."

"You should sleep," Renji said, "15 minutes, or even 10 minutes just to refresh your mind."

Tatsuki sighed, "I'm fine, Abarai."

"We still have one hours to go," Renji said again, "we might need your strength and if you're restless it might be dangerous, not only for you but us all."

I raised my eyebrow. Hearing Renji said something like this...

"I think you sound so wise just now, Renji-kun."

"Thank's Hime-chan..." Renji grinned, "me also about to sleep for few minute now."

"Focus on the road! No sleeping!" Ichigo growled, "Idiot!"

.

_Amongst us all, Tatsuki was the one who'd known Ichigo the longest. Practically, she had known him forever. Sometime they'd act more like siblings than just friends._

_Tatsuki had known Orihime for a long time too and somehow acting not only as her bestfriend, but also her mother._

_Since I met her I had always known, Tatsuki was one of those awesome people who would do anything for people she loved._

_Hard to believe it though that she loved Ulquiorra Schifer._

_I had always known, Ulquiorra had some sort of feeling for Orihime and I believe Tatsuki was sharp enough to realize it. It must haven't been easy for her. A man she loved was loving her bestfriend and hurt her at the same time. _

_Me, Ichigo, Orihime, Tatsuki, Ulquiorra and Renji..._

_How more complicated would it be?_

.

.

**Author's Note:**

Update from me yay! So I planned to finish Even Now this year. I started this in the early 2010 and I wish I could finish it before 2012.

Thanks for readers and reviewers.

And oh, this fanfic is translated into Spanish too by Aiko-chan, and I am glad that the story got positive responses from Spanish reader. Because my English isn't good I am afraid Aiko-chan would find it difficult to translate it but I am happy because she did a great job so far.

Ah for you who reads My Girl and my other stories, I really need a beta, for this fanfic too... If anyone interested, send me pm and tell me which story are you going to beta. (Except for 'Love Story', I've a beta for that one.)

So, I gotta go now :3

If you want to chat feel free to mention me in twitter :3

Have a nice day!

Recchinon.


	22. Chapter 21: Past

**Chapter 21 -Ichigo-**

**The Past**

**.**

**.**

"Are you sure you are okay?"

A pair of grey orbs looked at me. The girl with angelic face blinked her eyes twice before smiled widely and looked away from me. She said nothing but her eyes and her smiled had told me that I shouldn't have to be worried about her. Her eyes assuring me that she was fine and would be fine no matter what. I knew no matter how many times I was going to ask her, she would answer me the same way she did.

I didn't understand how she could be so calm. There had been a big chance that she would met Aizen again soon. After all that had been done by the bastard to her, I expected to be more... Scared.

She rested her head on my shoulder. I could smell a faint aroma of strawberry from her hair. She said nothing but, though I couldn't see her face from our current position, I knew that she wasn't sleeping. She looked so calm. Calmer than the rest of us though I could say that she was the one who had been through the worst episode with the psycho bastard. I didn't understand what she had in her head right now. She wasn't stupid, she should have known that what we would do now was going to be dangerous. I didn't want her to get hurt by Aizen, again.

.

_"Me?" He chuckled, he looked at me with his brown eyes before he laughed manically. I didn't say anything until he stopped laughing and looked at me with those eyes. The same eyes that had been looking at me years ago. He smiled, "I didn't hurt her. It's you. You hurt her."_

_"Shut up!" I gritted my teeth, my hand clenched on the wooden sword tightly, "I would never hurt Orihime! I love her!"_

_The sick bastard narrowed his eyes, smile had been gone from his face, "I am the one torturing her, but you are the one who caused her pain."_

_"Cut the crap!" I shouted. I lost my patience. I didn't come to this place to talk. I didn't fight his men on my way to get here only to hear him talk shit like this. I came here to get Orihime back._

_"Ichigo-kun..."_

_I gritted my teeth and shifted my eyes to the girl I loved. She was standing not too far behind Aizen, a black haired young man held her hands behind her body not letting her go. The man gave me a weird look, as our eyes met, I saw an expression I couldn't interpret on his face, as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't.. That man, Ulquiorra Schiffer..._

_"It is all your fault, Ichigo Kurosaki," said Aizen the smile had slowly faded from his lips as he spat my name, "you killed the woman I loved now I would make you feel what I'd felt."_

_"I wouldn't let you touch her!" I was about to attack him when someone pulled me from behind and throw me easily to the wall across the room. _

_"Ichigo-kun!" _

_My head hit the wall and it made me dizzy. I groaned as I tried to stand up to see who was the man who had been attacking me. I could felt that my head was bleeding but I didn't care. _

_A man, taller than me and Aizen stood in front of me. He had this wide grin on his face. I didn't knew who was the blue haired man but I knew one thing that he was one of Aizen men. Now I had been outnumbered. There were three of them in this room and I wasn't sure how I should fight them all with Orihime in this room. They could hurt her anytime to bring me down and I didn't want it to happen. Renji wasn't here yet, the men downstair must have been slowing him down. Now, I had to face these people alone._

_"You are Kurosaki?" The blue haired man grinned at me, I didn't answered him as I believed he already knew who I was, "I heard you are strong."_

_I stood up, scowling and ignoring the pain I felt on my back. The man looked happy in a sick way when he saw me trying to stand up. _

_"So, are you strong or not?" Asked the man again, I still didn't answer him so he turned to Aizen and grinned, "this guy's strong, right?"_

_Aizen chuckled, "why don't you test him out to find out?"_

_The tall man grinned, "I liked the idea," he cracked his knuckles, and looked at me once again, still grinning excitedly, "I hope you're strong enough or it wouldn't be so fun."_

_I didn't look at him, but I knew Aizen was smiling when he told the guy, "make sure you didn't kill him."_

_._

I tried to erase those memories from my head. I didn't want to keep them. It would be so much better if only I could pretend as if what had happened that day was actually an illusion. It had never happened. I would like to think that way but no matter what, I couldn't change the past. I knew it, I had to accept it. That day I'd been failed protecting the one I love the most.

My name meant the one who protect but in reality I couldn't protect anyone. I couldn't protect my mom and my girlfriend.

My mom was the reason of Aizen's rage toward me. He hated me because he had always been in love with my mom, his very own sister. That sick bastard hated my family. He hated me for causing my mother's death, for taking her away from him, and I understood that he hated me and would never forgive me for what I'd done. Even I still blamed myself for what had happened that day. For being the cause of my mother's death. I would not mind if he hurt me to get a revenge. I deserved a punishment for killing my mother but it didn't mean that he could hurt Orihime. She hadn't done anything wrong and the only fault she had done was that she made me fall in love with her so hard that she became my weakness.

Aizen thought the best revenge would be by letting me feel the same way he felt, losing a woman I'd always love. Except, unlike him, I had to suffer twice, once for losing my mother and second to have to witness him torturing Orihime because of me.

In a way, he did hurt me. I had never been so scared and angry and upset as much as what I had felt that night. I wanted to lock those memories in a box and throw it away.

I had planned to start over. I had decided to stop loving Orihime because it only brought bad luck for her. Maybe what Aizen had said that night was right, it was me who had actually hurt her. My incapability to protect her had caused her to suffer.

I looked at the empty street outside the window. The car was too slow to me. For a weird reason I wanted to end this as soon as possible. We would find Ulquiorra and stop him from whatever he planned to do. If we should have to see Aizen, I would beat him fast. I would not let him to hurt me or my friends again. I would not let him or anyone to lay a finger on Orihime ever again. I would end all of this mess and start over.

This was the right point to start over everything. To win Orihime's trust back. To pay my debts...

My debts...

I had debts to pay to that bastard Ulquiorra. I didn't like it but he did save us. He saved Orihime. He opened my eyes. I hated him yet I couldn't let him die without paying my debts to him.

I sighed.

I wished Renji could drive faster than this but I knew he had done his best. It was almost like I was going back to two years ago and I wanted to do what I couldn't do before. I wanted a revenge.

.

_I could hear a gun shoot. My head was hurt and my whole body was beaten, it was almost impossible for me to move a finger. I was tired and beaten but the gunshoot woke me up. I tried to look for Orihime and found her body laying unconscious on the floor not far from me. I let out an inaudible sigh when I realized she wasn't the one getting shot. _

_My eyelids were so heavy and I could barely opened my eyes. Everything was blurry and it was hard to focus on what had happened in that room. _

_I saw Aizen knelt on the floor. There was a small pool of blood on the floor under him. He didn't look at me. I shifted my eyes to another man stood not too far from us. I could barely see the man's face, I could only see his feet. The blood was from the wound on his feet._

_"Why don't you shoot my heart? Or my head," he sounded too calm for someone who had just gotten shot, "why don't you kill me?"_

_I closed my eyes, it was impossible to keep it open. What I could do now was just listening to the conversation between Aizen and the mistery man._

_I could smell blood, maybe it was my own blood. I couldn't feel my left hand. My whole body was acheing and slowly I lost my consciousness._

_"Why?" Aizen started again, his tone was provocating I wondered how the man managed to hold himself not to shoot this psycho man, or how he could have cornered Aizen in the first place, "scared?" A chuckled, "you've changed. That woman changed you, didn't she?"_

_That woman? Orihime? _

_The standing man had been about to say something, I had been sure but I couldn't hold it anymore. I lost my consciousness. _

_._

"Here we are."

We stood in front of an old and empty apartment building. I frowned when I saw the building. I knew this place pretty well. All of us, except Tatsuki had been here two years ago and I believed all of them could still remember what had happened here.

I turned to exchange some look with Renji. He had the same expression on his face. The last time we had been here we couldn't have gotten out easily. I understood the fear in Renji'e eyes. What had happened that day had left some permanent invisible scar in our mind.

We didn't know how many people were in this building, we didn't even know whether Aizen was really here or not. We only had one way to find out, by going in.

Rukia looked at me, she didn't look scared but she looked concerned, "are you okay without a sword?"

I smiled, "yeah, no problem, how about you?"

She smirked, "I believe my fists are strong enough."

I nodded. I didn't have to worry about Tatsuki and Renji either, they knew how to fight and I knew it because sometime they managed to beat me during sparring but I couldn't help but to worry about the slender girl stood next to me.

She could read my mind, as usual, so she said something to ease my mind, "you know, Tatsuki has taught me karate. I am strong enough."

That was not the problem. I didn't know how to make her understand the situation. It was not about strong or not. I knew she wasn't weak but I could never stop worrying her. Afterall I didn't want anything happen to her.

I wanted to make her realize the situation. If only she agreed to wait for us in the car, it would be easier, but I knew her. She wouldn't give it up.

I saw determination on her big gray eyes and I had no choice but to let her in. However I would do my best to protect her. I promised, this time it wouldn't be like the last time.

Tatsuki looked at me and nodded, as if telling me that she was ready. I nodded and sighed.

This wouldn't be easy at all.

"Ok," I tried not bit my own tongue, "let's break in!"

What might have happened in the past would remain there. I promised would be the last time. I would end all of this today and to start over from here.

Get ready, Aizen.

.

.

Author's Note:

Awww yeah it took soooo long! But it is hard for me to continue this because I hate the plot from here but I don't wanna be a jerk and abandon this. But before I continue this, I've to see whether you've abandoned this or not.


	23. Chapter 22: Decision

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**UNBETA'D**

**Chapter 22 —Ulquiorra— **

"Decision**"**

**.**

**.**

It was winter few years ago. I couldn't remember where I had been or what had happened to me but I was lying on the ground, covered by snow with shallow cuts all over my body. I couldn't remember the pain, or how cold it had been. Maybe I hadn't felt anything at the time, but I remember clearly the thought I had at the moment. I thought that I would die right then and there. This time would be really the end. After all of these years, finally, I am going to die. I didn't really care though. For me, dying might even be better than living in this shitty world. After all, there was nothing good left in this world for me. I had always been alone. I had no family and no friend, so even if I died right then and there, nobody would cry for me.

When I closed my eyes I was thinking, if I died right then, was there anything I would regret, but I found nothing. No regret at all. I didn't even remember what I had done every day until then.

I wasn't scared. I was ready.

.

_"You're not gonna die."_

_I opened my eyes slowly and I saw a pair of black leather shoes. I didn't recognized the expensive-looking shoes, neither the deep amused voice. Slowly I averted my eyes to see the man's face but the light, I couldn't remember whether it was the moon or the sun, or even the lamppost, blinded my eyes temporary. I couldn't see his face but his smile had been full of pride, confidence, and something I couldn't explain.  
_

_I didn't know who was that man but when he lent his hand to help me, I knew he had taken my life. I had died that day and he had given me a new life. If he were about to take it back one day, I wouldn't mind.  
_

_My life was all for Aizen-sama..._

_..._until I met her.

She was like the sun. Sometime she shone too bright that I couldn't look at her. She was always smiling and being kind to me, talked to me as if we were old friends. I had been rude to her, shoved her away but she would come back, treating me as nice as before and smiled innocently. She was different. I would die for Aizen-sama, but that woman was the only person that could make me feel alive. Her smile, her eyes... I had never thought that one day I would actually feel something like this.

There were times when I forgot that I was supposed to feel nothing. That she was only a mere woman. A noisy woman with stupid smile.

_"Where are we going?"_

_I didn't answered and kept walking. She followed behind me. She was so trusting like usual. I had been to use some force if she fought back, but she trusted me. She thought that I was her friend and she didn't have any doubt that I would do something bad to her. Something that might harm her. She really thought of me as a friend.  
_

_Too bad. I didn't want to be her friend.  
_

_Not her friend. Not a friend..._

Aizen-sama wanted to use that woman. She was important for his plan. I knew, that by doing what he told me to, in the end, I wouldn't be able to stop my self from hurting her. I didn't want to see her cry but I couldn't deny him. I was fighting with my other self. Thinking that it would be better if I could take her and run away, far far away, to somewhere we could be alone. Just the two of us. Aizen-sama and that orange head could settled their own problem without involving her. I would take her far away...

Of course that had never happened.

I had betrayed Aizen-sama once by falling in love with the girl. I knew I shouldn't have fallen in love but it was impossible when she was so charming and beautiful. It was hard not to feel attracted to her, when she was someone that was totally an opposite of me. Though she had someone she loved already.

I was torn between crushing that man and made her mine or to stay away and watch her being happy with him... At that time, I might have taken the wrong decision. What I chose to do was none of the options I stated before. My decision was to betray her and hurt her...

...for Aizen-sama.

* * *

_"Love?"_

_His brown eyes were colder than anyone's. His smile didn't reach his eyes as he looked away, pouring some more liquor into his glass. I was leaning on the wall, arms folded in front of my chest waiting for his further response. He walked toward the black sofa with a glass of liquor in his hand. His infamous smile was still plastered on his face. He took a sip of his drink before he chuckled. I was actually scared. Maybe it didn't show on my face but there was something twisted about this man. I knew how dangerous he really is after working for him for some years. He had some business with dangerous people but that was not the reason why I was so scared...  
_

_"Why do you ask?" _

_He was still smiling. His smile sent chill to my spine. I had met so many sick people but this man probably was the sickest among all of those people.  
_

_"Nothing," I pretended, "I just want to make sure if Kurosaki would really come to save the woman? Does he really love her?" _

_Aizen smirked, "he loves her, can't you see?"_

_"Love her enough to do anything in order to protect her?"  
_

_There was a moment of silence and somehow Aizen's smile at the time gave me goosebumps. It was no use for me to lie, or to pretend. He could see me through. His eyes were intimidating. I had a feeling that he knew what I was implying by asking the question but he said nothing about that. Something in his eyes told me that he knew that I was worried about the girl but he didn't need to worry because he knew I wouldn't betray him.  
_

_"How about you, would you protect her?"_

_._

I was standing in front of the closed door.

Suddenly it was all feel so real. He was really there, behind this door. I was sure he had been waiting for me. I knew it because just like how he could feel me standing here, I could feel him too. He was there, sitting behind the desk, drinking some bloody mary with a smirk painted on his cruelly handsome face. He was waiting for me.

He had expected me to come, but I knew he didn't expect me to come alone.

I gritted my teeth. This time, I had made my final decision. Aizen wouldn't like it but I would show him that things wouldn't always go as what he planned.

I didn't bother to knock. I knew he knew I was there already, it was proven with his smirk. Suddenly I had a bad feeling. _That man_ wasn't there. He had always been by his side ever since that day. There was something wrong, did he really know my real plan?

"Welcome back, Ulquiorra Schiffer, how was the onsen?"

I had been right, he got a glass of bloody mary in his hand. He looked so calm despite I came alone, not like what he had told me. I felt weird, as if someone had just poured boiling water in my stomach. What was it? This weird feeling was really annoying. Something was off...

"You're alone."

I couldn't recognize my own voice. I hated to admit it but I was scarred. There were only two of us in the room but somehow I felt uneasy.

Aizen chuckled, "So are you."

I didn't say anything.

"So, in the end, you didn't bring her back, huh?" Aizen sighed, "you decided to betray me... Again?"

I clenched my jaw. My grip was tightened in my pocket. I needed to stay calm. I shouldn't be reckless...

"Though I told you I would forgive you... _If only _you bring her back with you." he put his now empty glass down before he stood up from his seat, "you love her that much huh? I told you that I wouldn't hurt her this time, didn't I. You didn't believe me..." he sounded calm, yet dangerous at the same time, "Well, it is not your fault... after all, you love her so much that you would do anything to protect her."

I didn't say anything. Our eyes met. I tried to read what he had in his mind but that was impossible.

"Well, I am so sad, you don't believe me... But that's okay, I understand." he leaned back to his table, hands in his pocket, "after what had happened in the past, you don't wanna make the same mistake."

I managed to keep silent. It wasn't hard for me to hide my emotion. After all of these years, I'd been masking my own feeling so it wasn't really hard for me to look calm even now, though deep inside I was raging. My heart was beating so fast.

"You're right," I tried to sound calm, it made my voice deeper than usual, "I didn't want to make the same mistake. I didn't want you, or anyone, hurt her again. I came here just to tell you that I respected you, I still do, but I have done many things to pay you back. This time I want to tell you that I quit. I wouldn't do think as you wish. Not anymore."

Aizen let out another chuckled, "what do you mean? Do you forget who had saved you?"

"I remember. You saved me but you also betrayed me. When you hurt her that time, you'd betrayed me." I narrowed my eyes slightly, I had this weird feeling whenever I remember what had happened that day, "That's why I come her to remind you... I want you to stop trying. I won't let you hurt her anymore. I know that your enemy is that Kurosaki guy but because by hurting him means you will also hurt her, I want you to stop."

Aizen looked amused. He pulled out his hand and tapping his finger on the table. The cocky smiled was still painted on his feature. He didn't look worried at all, as if he had predicted my moved.

"And..." he started slowly, "what if I said, 'no'?"

I pulled out a gun from my coat pocket and pointed it at him, "I will kill you."

I was serious. I knew he knew that I was serious. Before, I had pulled the trigger and this time I could do this again. Though this time I aim right to his head. I had decided not to let anyone harm her, though it meant I had to, once again, dirty my hand with blood. I didn't mind...

"You know," Aizen started casually, as if the fact that I was pointing a gun at him was nothing, "when I told you to get that woman, I knew that you would come back alone. I was right, wasn't I? Don't you realize it? My real plan?"

"What do yo-"

Suddenly I realized it.

"YOU BAST-"

There was a loud bang and suddenly I couldn't breathe. The gun fell off my hand and I lost my strength.

I felt as if a car had hit my body and I felt on my knee, clenching on my chest. Everything is fading away. My chest felt hot and I tried so hard to breath. I used my final strength to turned around only to see a blur shadow of teal haired man standing by the door.

I could see his smirk faintly before everything turned black.


End file.
